Have yourselves a Merry Little Christmas, listeners. Well, I would say that, wouldn’t I?

And so dear listener, it’s just days to Christmas and Skippy is warming up the innuendoes and my cockles. She was a wee bit miffed not to be included in last week’s list of besties (e, Dr W and the rainforestriverman) but I’ve placated her. I gave her something nice for her bush. The one she shelters under when it’s too sunny here in Summerston.  🙂

But today’s show is the world famous Christmas Cracker edition of the blog;

Q What happened to the man who stole the Advent Calendar?

A He got twenty-five days


Q What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet, ribbet?

A Mistle-toad!

No, rrm, why would the audience be dressed as zombies when we already were? I know you dispense advice to people in power. I worry sometimes. And all that water you drank……..mmmmmmm

Q How did Scrooge score the winning goal in the Boxing Day game of football?

A The Ghost of Christmas passed.

And I notice the Zombies are considering abseiling down the Titan Crane en masse. Aye, that’s the one me and Dr W did a wee while ago. Would I do it again? Aye, but you know what it’s like after the first time; the second time, you do it a lot more slowly.

Q Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

A Their days are numbered.

And the secret to cheating about poaching eggs (in my microwave egg poacher £1.99 from Poundstretcher) is to have the smell of vinegar in the kitchen. 🙂

Q Why did Santa’s little helper see the counsellor?

A He had low elf-esteem.

And I do do Christmas Cards. Not only does it tell people I’m alive but it gives money to Cancer Research UK, spreads their name and brings a smile to people’s faces (hopefully) when they see I’ve been in touch. However, I was doing the neighbours’ cards and there’s been a wee turnover of people recently and whilst I know the new ones to nod to I don’t know them that well. When, eventually, I am discovered to be a serial killer they will be the ones interviewed by TV journalists and say, ‘Well he kept himself to himself’.


(Which is the catchphrase that didn’t work for Ford and Greg so we won’t mention that)

Actually so is Carole across the road and Ross next door.

Q What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?

A Jingle Smells

And farewell to Mandy Rice-Davies. As most people are aware of my age I am not ashamed to admit I was about eight or nine when the Profumo Scandal broke. It had everything an eight or nine year old could want; newspapers and television telling us about politics and sex with lots of pictures of good looking ladies with not a lot of clothes on. I preferred Mandy to Christine but who can forget that iconic picture of a naked Christine sitting on what is probably a Conran chair. 🙂 I obviously can’t. 🙂

Q What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

A Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

And finally it’s time to say Cheerio to an old friend. In the early days of the blog, one of the biggest supports came from a, then, student called my gd frnd Clr – a texty young lady from whom I had a lot of help and support in terms of my cancer and a host of other things. Separate ways were went and for probably good reasons. Sometimes there is moving on to be done.

She was responsible for the ‘Keep(ing) it fun’ aspect of the blog and helped me considerably through early and difficult days but in the spirit of new haircut I had a long conversation with a fellow worker, about three in the morning, about many things (not directly the blog), and a decision was reached. See if you can spot the difference.

Cya, still wearing that badge and just going for it!

Johnt850, See Christmas, see families but at least I have one to talk about.

So next week sees the keenly awaited Personality of the Year Awards and is there no end to the nominations? Eh, no, there’s not.

So can I just take this opportunity to say Merry Christmas to all my listeners and play what I think is the greatest Christmas song of all times – not cos of the lyrics or the music or anything like that – but cos of the memories. 😀

One Christmas Day me and (whatever happened to) Viv were sitting in our flat in Otago Street, quite happy in our own company, when the doorbell rang. And it rang again a few minutes later. And then again. And all our mates who were with families but wanted away (this was just post-student days the first student time around) had said, ‘jt and Viv are on their own tonight so we’re going to pop in and see them and we’ll take these bottles with us.’

A great party was had by all. 🙂

Greg Lake (and I used to have hair like this)


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