Wake up in the morning, With the sunlight in my eyes, No, my head don’t feel so bright, What the hell happened last night?

The Vamps and I remember those days. 🙂

And so dear listener, I sit down to write this in an optimistic mood. Life is reasonably okay (I have known worse) and the sun is shining and I was given the secret of weight loss last week by my erstwhile colleague Craig W from the BBC of ages ago. He told me that buttering the sides of the crust is a good weight tip loss and I have tried it but do I just eat the crusts? Is that how I actually lose weight?

‘If you don’t finish your avocado, then you won’t get any pistachio ice cream.’

Now that’s a weight loss tip if you are five years old (or approaching) and can I thank Ann from Prostate Cancer HQ for the vegan recipes which I will pass on? I think that’s more rhetorical than an actual question but I will leave the question mark. 🙂

Y’see I am tottering on the high heels of a possible decision. Except it’s not a decision as I am merely exploring the possibility. Of a PhD (that last bit was whispered). Yes. I know I said I wouldn’t and I don’t think I’ve got anything left to prove to anyone – even my then line managers at the College who said ‘alcoholics’ were scum and couldn’t be trusted…….

Except one person……me……..I want to see how far I can go (as it were) but so far I’ve only had one conversation……..there’s a long way to go.

It was nice being back at Paisley Uny (which is not its real name) and altho’ it was quiet I saw a few folk I know but I didn’t go into the library. No. No reason. We will see but I will keep you posted and if you have any thoughts or advice then please contact me…….I will be looking for advice from folk. And possibly funding. 😦

But I did mean to ask the experts if they’d ever heard of ‘compulsive addiction’. This apparently is what Kieran who cheated on Katie with Jane is being treated for. He was quoted as saying ‘I lie compulsively to get an adrenaline buzz’. No son, you lie constantly to get what you want and now some snake-oil salesman is ripping you off for, apparently, £2,500 per week. Does my nut in when people invent unreal diseases and conditions, especially when it’s done to make money and delude other people.

Incidentally, I will soon be announcing details of my own lecture tour entitled, ‘How being hit in the face with a wet fish will cure everything.’ Pure banging it is and a snip at £50 at the door.

But I’ve also been doing essential housework and I’m writing this in the one room still to be cleaned and it’s great. I’m scrumpling up pieces of paper and throwing them on the floor like a real writer and, yes, I always did want to write for the magazine Punch but that was before the owner of Harrod’s took it over. Now I write for, well, you………whoever you are and whatever you’re doing while you read this.

And I get a lot of spam mail – most of it in Mandarin cos a lot of my clients for http://www.thewordprocess.net are Chinese. But one really showed how little they know about the recipient – me. Maybe the sender realised that coming up soon (Wed, 2nd July) I celebrate coming into this world on 2nd July 1954 but NOT my birthday and I’ve never been kayaking. I want to experience new things but to do so with the giver (and if it’s an experience pressie then it may just be sharing in an activity the giver already does) or food. I’ll accept food. Being presumptious (sp).

Those who know me will realise how inappropriate was the subject heading of the spam mail: ‘John – do you want to know how to get a full head of hair?’

But I’ve also been updating my wardrobe for the Summer – two new black t-shirts and a pair of denims. And a mystery item. Oh, and a t-shirt with a dalek on it. Sometimes the money’s worth the look on someone’s face.

And finally, yes, blogmeister, I always ‘Sorry, no thanks’ to people who ask me for money in the street. I did once receive the answer, ‘but I’m not fuc*ing selling you anything’. The only exception is when they say they have an alcohol dependency or similar. Then I give. But ask yourselves…is there a plan to get the homeless who live on the streets off the streets come the Empire Games?

What colours do St Lucia play in anyway? 😀

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes, now the real battle has started.

And so, I didn’t vote. It wasn’t apathy or listening to that twat, Russel Brand. It was a decision based on the fact that in European elections, Scotland is viewed as a single constituency and is represented by six people.

Name them! 🙂

It’s the same in local elections. My ward has four councillors. So who represents me in Europe or Glasgow City Chambers? Representation and accountability – the very basis of democracy as argued and discussed by Thomas Paine, John Locke and America’s founding fathers.

And then it all went pear shaped. UKIP sneaked a man in. It wouldn’t have happened if we had proper first past the post constituencies. I told myself. I feel it’s all my fault and I will now vote always; whatever my scruples about the system. Even if I spoilt my ballot paper……..

I need to extend my audience reach. This is One Direction;

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