I was just at Bellshill academy in first year when the stories were about. We actually got a mob together and hung about up the bing looking for them…Thing is, if they (the KIller Clowns) were real and everyone knew about the blue transit vans then I think they would have maybe changed their mode of transport or got a spray job. (Watty from Bellshill)

I think I know that bing……Doctor W?

And so dear listener, much more information came in after last week’s mention of the Killer Clowns of Glasgow and North Lanarkshire in the eighties and early nineties. Much of it referred me to this website http://alancook.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/killer-clowns-in-transit-vans-in-the-1990s/ and there’s a new Kindle book of the same title and a previous real book about Urban Myths in Glasgow.

The blue Transit Van is a constant; the Chelsea smile for inflicting pain; and the warnings by heidies and rectors are also consistent in all the stories…….but yet, but yet….

I have not put up the links I received to some very horrible parodies of Ranald McDonald – these were pure evil. (Pure evil? Is that a concept?)

The Killer Clowns did exist in people’s minds…maybe even in reality. Maybe even in retirement.

Coming soon to a nightmare near you are the White Lady of the Gorbals, the Vampire of the Graveyards (which was true cos that’s how the Vampire Slayer came about – I live across the road from Lambhill Cemetary), the Lucky Midden and the Giant Salamanders of the Ravenscraig Steelworks.

So I spent some time last Monday in the Tesco’s Car Park in Port Glasgow which has the bestest view of all the supermarkets in the West of Scotland in recent years but as Skippy and, as I write this, I may be returning there soon (Is that this week’s first?)

And I spent some time last Tuesday in a coffee bar in UWS (Hamilton) with Uni-Jo but as well as chatting about her research our conversation wandered over to Strathclyde Park which you can see from the windows – not for its aesthetic value but to the Dealers’ Car Park, the Doggers’ Car Park and my own personal favourite – as it were – the Gay Cottagers’ Car Park. I have parked there twice in my life – it’s not that far from the bing – (Doctor W?) and the second time I was bursting for a pee but was very reluctant to go into the bushes on my own. No. No stereotypes

But I’m doing well out of night shifts these days…which suits what passes for a lifestyle.

But with two major age-related (kinda) events looming large this year, I was intrigued to read that the Government plans to tell us when we will die to stop us squandering our pension savings. Two things; What pension savings? and What if you’ve already died? I am convinced that I died during the Cold Turkey Weekend of 2006 and was returned to life.

And I remember when sea captains were supposed to go down with their ships. Here’s the South Korean ferryman and then there was that Italian twat who wanted to show off his driving skills to impress some woman too close to an island.

And apparently the charity PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has an award for the sexiest vegan in the UK. This year, it went to Jenna McGuinness. Nest year? I have a contender.

And finally, I have a cheap and brilliant idea for the Opening of the Commonwealth Games. On Good Friday I watched on iPlayer a programme called The Great North Passion (BBC1), which was a contemporary re-telling of the last few days of Christ. It had containers from lorries which had been based in South Shields where they acted as pop-up arts installations which were then gathered together in the shape of the Cross. And then people sang happy songs.

Why don’t we do the same for the Opening with all the people in the stadium; the words on that big screen; Michelle McManus, Tom Urie and the Red Hot Chilly (sp) Pipers and the happy songs (not the anthems) from all the competing countries?

This would out-sushi Sochi and keep Coe quiet; and everyone would leave the stadium with a smile.

I will e-mail David Grevenberg later this evening nd will keep you posted

Cya, keep(ing it fun) and still wearing that badge? Yes, but maybe it can be a bit intimidating the first time

Johnt850, and the shed was cleaned out this weekend. Summer can start any time it likes.

Some of you may have noticed that something called the Global Drug Survey announced its latest research this week and the UK, as we currently call it, has the highest incidence of drug use in the World (per capita). This got lots of publicity.

What didn’t get so much publicity were the wise words of its Director, Adam Winstock, who put forward a very strong case for more drug education. He doesn’t want people to take drugs but ‘you can start conversations with people regarding safer drug use by saying, ‘Actually here are some things you can do to make your drug use more enjoyable and make your drug safer as well.’’ Is that not common sense?

No, I don’t see it on the school curriculum either but it might save some lives. I accept, having studied under such restrictions, that it is difficult in schools, etc, to talk about illegal drugs but we do very little to explain the dangers attached to the two biggest killers – alcohol and tobacco. Does your son or daughter know what they’re taking in the form of drugs as opposed to those mums and dads who know what they’re drinking and smoking?

Here to cheer you all up after that here’s Judy Collins…little did she know

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