‘I want some booze but I’m a reformed alcoholic. Don’t ever ask me that question again.’

And that was Frank Skinner to Graham Norton who was asking him if he wanted an alcoholic drink on some kinda Red Nose Chat Show-a-thon that I didn’t see. Tbh, I very rarely feel like that these days and it’s something we’ve discussed a lot in the show – the importance of friends who know my predilections and who joke about them. So far. So good. (Incidentally does any of the money raised in these things go to voluntary projects in drink’n’drugs rehab? I have no idea and will look one day.)

But part of my problem is that I am impulsive – altho’ I may not seem it but the number of times in my life I have said. ‘Yes. Let’s go for it.’ before thinking it through and that shows when I take on a night shift before an away Thistle game. But sometimes I need some encouragement.

This week encouragement came from e on an epic stroll through Glasgow when I was encouraged to do something I have never done before.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I paid £6 to have two new batteries supplied and fitted to my electronic car keys……..I have had some lifestyle changes in my time but…..

But I might not have had to. There I was raking compost in some built up veg and flower beds in Dalmuir Park and the guy I was working with told me that if you point the key at your head, then it works from a really great distance away. I have yet to try that but apparently it was on Top Gear so it must be true.

And speaking of celebs…… Paul Gascoigne, I don’t think your agent Terry Baker is doing you any favours by getting you to talk to the Sun about maybe appearing in I’m a Celebrity….if you think the way ahead is AA meetings then go for it but maybe get some professional help as well. Bill Wilson, one of the founders of AA, said there were many paths to recovery so I wish he was in a position to have a word with Russell Brand who is as close to a zealot about abstinence based recovery as Nick Knowles is about sunbathing in Skye. Oh, and apparently, Nick is twice the age of his relatively new wife – old enuff to be her father! (at that point, dear listener, if there was an smiley icon for tongue-in-cheekness , I would have used it. 🙂 )

And I very rarely do that kinda celeb name checking and I won’t again for a long time.

But I’m enjoying my work with the homeless project – one of several strings to my bow at the moment. I quite like the planning and the making of sandwiches – which makes me feel like a real Hunter-Gatherer………Incidentally Nivea for Men Exfoliating Face Scrub is down to £3 this week in (the) ASDA. A bargain. I also like the fact that I work across five projects in the West of Scotland, even if Wednesday morning’s shift does start before the trains start running and the cost of a day’s parking in Glasgow City Centre is soooo prohibitive. I may yet take a bus, dear listener at about six o’clock in the morning. And ppl wonder where I get the ideas from for the blog……

Incidentally, the essay editing side of things is hitting a busy season but the vast majority of work that comes is fairly straightforward. But one of the things about it is we have clients/students from all over the UK but sometimes I think we give too good a service at too low a price.

www.thewordprocess.net

Particularly if they quibble over whether they should pay £10 or £8 cos it’s such a small piece of work and then say they will send it to me on Saturday and then on Saturday say it’s not ready but can they send it on Sunday and have it back on Monday? I know what I will be charging and it won’t be £8……..I am such a ruthless entrepreneur!

And finally, I’m sure I’m not the only person to buy the Radio Times and I am soooo indebted to it for this piece of advice;
‘Never let a zombie bite you. That’s how the plague is passed on. If you’re bitten you will die and you will return as one of the walking dead. So, if a friend of yours is bitten, don’t hesitate – smash their brains out immediately.’ What a defence in court!

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? There’ll be a fight over it at the funeral (in several years’ time)

Johnt850 (slightly older than 42 and slightly less than 6 foot, but happy in the friendzone with sooooo many people) 🙂

I like the new Pope……Jim Bowen, the host of Bullseye, is a radical and wicked choice, man. I like the fact he got the knock back from 12 year old Amalia Damonte and then decided to be a priest (he was 12 as well I should point out….just in case). I like the fact that he went back to the hotel to pay his mini-bar bill (I wonder if he ate all the peanuts) and I like the fact that he travels on the Underground.

And in the same way we never mentioned the previous Pope’s previous membership of the Hitler Youth (think Jimmy Savile – think ‘context of the times’) I’m sure we won’t mention his belief and speech a wee while back that the Falklands should be returned (?) to Argentina. Not in the week when the vast majority of the Falkland islanders voted to remain British…but not all. Apparently some of the islanders are trying to find out who didn’t.

I have reservations about giving to the likes of Children in Need or Red Nose Day cos I like to know what charity is getting my money. Here’s some Celtic footballers doing their best to get a charity message across. Apologies if there’s an ad at the front….

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