As a lass I speak for all. There’s nae a man, too wee nor tall, nor slightly built, who doesnae look fine when he’s wearing a kilt…so wear it men with passion and zest Knowin’ full well you’re looking your best (and my thanks to the lovely Kerry Mac for suggesting the quote)

And so, dear listener, I have lost yet another of my virginities. I have few left. And I would like to thank Son Brian, co-star of the Wedding of This and Any Other Year for his help in the losing of this one.

He brought me over a skirt to try on…..sorry, a kilt, and he did explain the difference. It’s a dark Paisley pattern…..,sorry, it’s the Black Watch Tartan. And I never did ask him about undergarments…will I need to go ‘Territorial Army’? After all with all the Government cuts, there soon won’t be any room for Commandoes. Kerrching!

Thank you. I’m here all week and the Sea Bass is lovely. 😀

No. I will wear a kilt and with pride. I have never worn one before. Some bootleg pix are already out there but I would stress that the jacket and waistcoat and kilt were all one size (?) too big. And I have never been a believer in One Size Fits All, but Never Say Never. It’s always an interesting challenge. I am happy to wear it and I look forward to finding out more about my role. Will I be required to give a speech? Will I start with the same gag that the rainforestriverman starts every one of his speeches? Y’know the one;

‘This is the third time this week I have given this talk. The first two were to Alcoholics Anonymous and Weightwatchers. If this is the third time you’ve heard this then you really do have my sympathies.’

He was best man at three weddings; all three couples are now divorced. Just sayin’, that’s all. I don’t think I’ll ever get married again. Yes, I know Skippy. I’m missing a very crucial item in that equation. Some things I like to keep hypothetical. Maybe I shouldn’t say Never Say Never. But good idea about the unicorn, btw, Dr W, it took me a second or two before the penny registered…..sorry, the thought dropped. 😛

Which brings me to uni-Sharon and the café we went to for a coffee which she described as ‘pish’ when she meant ‘posh’. See this predictive texting….it’s a real bigger, so it is. Sorry, begger……and that, dear txtrs amongst you, is why we have vowels.

The gingerbread cake was very nice but the sponge was a bit crumbly and yes, I did watch the last five minutes of the Great Masterbake Off. The one Kirsty Wark won. I have very pleasant memories of Kirsty on many a Saturday morning. Long time ago. 🙂

Which brings me to AJ, who as you know has started nursery but again he is entitled to privacy (but I am trying to get him to find out if that nice lady nursery teacher has a fella). However it is an area with one helluva lot of dog poo, and I was explaining to e the art of the radio phone-in when, if you wanted reaction, you talked about dogs and the mess they make, when what should be on TV that night but a new comedy prog out of BBC Scotland, where the fictitious character of Bob Servant attracts the ire of dog owners by threatening to shoot them……fiction reflecting truth.

And if you think this is me bigging up my mates in the Comedy Unit, then think again. It was in-house and showed promise.

And a quick word to e….Yes, those were bats, butterflies and brussel sprouts….next week we look at words beginning with the letter C.

And this week’s Hero of the Month is Prince Harry and for slightly unusual reasons. Y’see I couldn’t but help notice a news story about two sons who were not given any money by their father who had won the lottery and accused them of having ‘no balls’. The quote from the boys? ‘You don’t say that to two boys from Castlemilk – we ended up taking hammers to his two new 4×4 Shoguns…….we put two claw hammers through the windows of the car (and) we then reported ourselves to the police’……I really don’t think Paul Ferris has anything to worry about here. It’s about as effective as criticising someone’s freaking curtains.

But Harry…….he’s ‘paid to kill his grandmother’s enemies’. And does so. Now, that is tough. And with Kevin ‘The Gerbil’ shot dead in that ASDA car park and his natural successor, my car washerman, Fraggle Green, locked up for beating up a woman, the Daniels have a need for an enforcer. Applications to be sent to an address in Jordanhill.

And I do hope everyone in Beith has recovered from the fuel leak spill that caused homes and businesses to be evacuated during the week. No. No reason.

And did you know (No. No connection) that even my Alka-Seltzer is sold on the basis of added caffeine?……what if I took a cple of tabs there plus a cple of tabs of Pro-Plus. I mean I wouldn’t be actually drinking it, would I? Wonder what the effect would be? :-S

And finally, wondering what all the fuss was regarding ITV’s new Saturday night prog – Splash – I switched over to it only to see Gabby Logan standing next to a dripping wet and obviously freezing celeb (Tina Malone, yes that Tina Malone) only for Jo Brand to say she was worth 5…..I switched off again. It was degrading. 😦

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge but where in the kilt do I stick it?

Johnt850, with just a hint of the great swordsman, Errol Flynn, about him.

And I was going to fill this serious bit with some stuff about where I stand with the Domination Degree but I’ve been called in for Tuesday morning for a chat with Supervisorman……the Essex Committee is still out……or something……you will be the first to know.

So many ppl have asked for a return to the mainstream music at this point so here’s the Foo Fighters with The Pretender…..maybe a bit of message still……but if you get the same ad at the start that I did, then skip it. Quick.


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