“Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” (ray bradbury and thanks to Paul G for kinda suggesting it)

So in the week when the Scottish Government takes delivery of two new ice breakers cos ‘Scotland needs new ice breakers for the winter’, I have to start with this true story from the Maths Class I sat in on at my school in Paisley this week.

The white coated professor, realising that some of the students might not know each other, suggested introducing yourself to the person next to you and telling them your most embarrassing experience. Mine, in a situation like this, is to tell of the time when I was in a cinema and, taking my seat in pitch darkness, I sat on a man’s lap. I usually follow that story by saying, ‘and boy did he seem pleased!’ 🙂

No. Betty (not her real name) had to tell the truth and told her friend, who by the rules of the game had to tell the rest of the class, that her most embarrassing experience, was being caught ‘fellating her boyfriend on an aeroplane.’  To say the class was stunned was to say that Ricky Burns comes from Coatbridge. Did I really hear someone explaining that fellating was a posh word for blow job?  The professor paused for a second; obviously thought ‘what would Pavlova do in this situation?’ and moved on. Swiftly.

Later I asked Betty what her boyfriend did for a living. Apparently he’s clever and works in languages. He’s a cunning linguist.

Yeah. I’ll move myself on.

It’s been a strange week with a fair amount of swings. And roundabouts. I’d like to comment on the good Doctor W’s description of some of my writing as arty-farty academia by riposting….you’re the one with the PhD but thanks for the Rat Run notice. March is good. 🙂

But finally (as opposed to ‘and finally’, which is a totally different literary device) I have received the first of several disclosures which basically say whether or not I am a good and fit person to work with folk a wee bit less fortunate than myself. This means that I will be beginning some work as a volunteer in drink’n’drugs twenty or so minutes down the road and there is some paid work in the offie….sorry offing. No. I worried. As I do. Years and years ago I was knocked back temporarily from working in a boys’ home in the South side of Glasgow cos I was confused with another Johnt850. (okay. t850 is a pseudonym. You had guessed, hadn’t you?)

Actually can I go back to the school for another piece of humour? I still use the coffee shop next to the library with those nice lady librarians and one of the catering staff was looking at two different types of cookies – one with lemon and one with Sicilian lemon. ‘What’s the difference?’ her mate asked.

The reply? ‘Attitude, I suppose.’

I thought that was good.

Anyway I had two flat tyres on the way to the school and I had to get the AA (Automobile Association) to help. They took me to Kwik-Fit who were good, if a tad expensive, but I was back on the road within minutes. I was so calm. Shazza, and anyone else who has ever seem me do the jumpy-up-and-down thing when annoyed would have been so proud.  The cheque for £200 owed to me by the insurance company came in that day. 🙂

And well done on the job btw, Shazza x 😀

And I introduced the rainforestman to the Vampire Slayer – a meeting of great minds – until he said, in a loud voice, ‘Ah. So you’re the Vampire Slayer.’ Good grief rrm, have you never met a superhero before?

And I’m often asked how RJ is doing at her advanced age of two weeks and two days. Very well, thank you, and she is being well looked after by AJ and the rest of his family; altho’ she survived me pram pushing on Friday afternoon with AJ on the buggy board. I also survived that moment when suddenly I am in possession of two babies in two buggies cos their mums have run off chasing after the older ones. My nerves are good. But not that good.  Mind you I did receive some admiring glances.

But not for my right eye. I played badminton on Thursday night with Son Brian and Best Man Michael. I didn’t last that long.  I went to play a shot with a dive that Tom Daley would have been proud of except I landed on my Gregorys (younger listeners ask older people). I have now a jolly interesting scar and spex that are kinda holding themselves together….mmmmm….not good moneywise……. 😦

And finally, I watched the voyeuristic rubbish that was Channel 4’s take on ecstacy. John Snow looked so out of place, like, as if discussing people using an illegal drug, even under supposed clinical conditions, was pure rubbish. Just cos it’s illegal doesn’t make it wrong or bad. And cos it was a ‘serious’ study, nobody really raised the fact that some ppl think e’s are good…..  


Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yup and it is looking forward to the weeks ahead.

Johnt850 – beware anyone with a similar name.

And just a wee word about the nature of friendship. But this time not saying how many folk have been part of my support team but how bad it feels when someone gives up on me – when unfriending someone is more than deleting me from their Facebook.

One example that recently came to mind was in 2008 when I was only just recovering from cold turkey and cancer. I contacted some folk I’d known from the BBC days and met up with them all individually. However, when I tried to keep the contact going, a few months after meeting up, I was told by some of them, that they were ‘too busy’ to see me’. That hurt. Maybe that explains some of the things I do that others may find strange. I keep doors open.

The value of that came when the rainforestriverman met the Vampire Slayer……..one I’ve known since university (the first one) and the other as a student I first worked with seven years ago when a sweetie jar of condoms made for a strange but good friendship. These are but two people I can count as friends. Never say never to meeting ppl. You might be well surprised. 🙂

Here’s a wee bit more on the subject of icebreaking.



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