we dictate our doxologies and try to get sleeping kids to sit up and listen. i’m not saying we could save you, but we could put you in a place where you could save yourself. if you don’t get born again at least you’ll get high as hell (the hold steady)

So I got an e-mail thru the post (eh?) telling me I’ve to enrol for the new school term on lime. So I went to the ASDA, bought half a dozen and came home and read it again. On line, it said. Ah, I well remember taking Son Brian to primary  school. It seems like yesterday. Actually it was. He’s 25. It was very embarrassing. I’m on different coloured pills these days……but it’s no excuse. 😀 

No, my wee idea has been accepted and I’ll say a wee bit more about it below the line but the next step is to take it to some committee in Essex. I know. I don’t understand it, either. What’s that Skippy? An Ethics committee? Oh, that makes a big difference. Suppose that means I can’t access other ppls’ voice mails? 😦

Anyway it’s been a week when editing business dissertations for Chinese students has taken over my life, even with a lovely outsourcer to outsource to. But it pays. It pays enough to buy this month’s Men’s Fitness (Normally I get Men’s Health. I get it for the crossword on Page 3 and advice on my six pack. Still don’t understand why it takes readers three weeks to get a good six pack. The ASDA used to do me nicely).

Anyway, a former student of mine, Thomas Alexander – well actually I used to share him with the other tutors – has written two excellent pieces on Jean-Claude van Damme and Ray Winston. Well worth reading but what’s this I see on Page 52, immediately after the JCVD interview, an article about the dangers of sugar (see last week on cupcakes)…..’The sugar industry has learned the lessons of tobacco. Confuse the public; produce experts who disagree. Try to dilute the message.’

Anyway nice one Thomas. And regards to Joanne. I used to have another student called Alexander. Whatever……?

Anyway the rainforestriverman was up for a while and there’s something about him that forces me to live up to my stereotype. He stays in posh hotels; I steal the toiletries. One day I’m going for the fluffy towel; and the robe; but I prefer barefeet – I don’t want the slippers. The conditioner was good btw. 🙂

But my big mistake was eating chips from the kebab shop in Dundas Street whilst waiting for my train home. Heartburn at 4.30 in the morning, which is better than, genuinely, hearing a voice calling out ‘John…what did Sharon actually say?’ and sending her a msg at 5 in the morning. Which I done the previous day. I did get a reply………..Skippy. I may be about to go undercover. May I borrow your name?

Sex in a multi-storey car park. So enjoyable on so many levels. (I’ll be back in a minute. Talk amongst yourselves.)

And I don’t normally have a picture of the week caption (Vampire Slayer – I lost that one with screws, lubricants and chains – and have a nice holiday. I bid three camels) but this week goes to one that appeared in the Metro of a CCTV photo of a man who is suspected of stealing a 15-year-old toilet, water pipe and cistern ball cock from a pub. In fact, literally everything apart from the kitchen sink. But how? Down his trousers? In a rucksack?

And Partick Thistle, Glasgow’s oldest professional football team sit on top of the World with a 100 per cent record. ‘I came to be disappointed and wasn’t’……it’s a review for a play, commissioned and writtenby a mate, but not yet performed, but it seems so appropriate. It was good.  🙂 I should maybe start putting up the highlights packages…..mmmmmm……

And finally, my thanks to all those who genuinely contacted me after last week’s show about cupcakes and sugar – the invidious white powder that threatens the world – and told me about cupcake substitutes. And to those who recommended a book called ‘The Apple Revolution’ by Luke Dormehl, which suggest that much of the early thinking within Apple was acid-related with Steve Jobs saying that taking LSD was one of the most important things he’d ever done. No. No point.

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes. It’s become a metaphor for my normality.

Johnt850, demanding and arrogant and so well hung……..up on someone or other.

So at some point I will say something about my big essay but a lot of it will be about people being aware of where people might find help with alcoholism from a whole range of services. But part of it will look at people standing up as advocates and saying, ‘If I can do it, then so can you.’ And I’ve had an amazing invitation that I’ll talk about on another occasion.

Tom Urie, a lovely man and musician, who plays Big Bob in River City, has been open about coping with alcoholism and nicotine addiction and is now taking on his biggest battle – losing weight and, No, he doesn’t give the credit to a self-help group for helping him to lose 18lbs…….he gives credit to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which is used in addiction treatment. By using it he can identify the triggers that make him eat and find an alternative – he plays vinyl and by the time he’s actually taken the record out of the sleeve and put the needle on, the craving has gone……

‘A lot of it is psychological, comparable with alcoholic behaviour.’ (Urie 2012)

So I think I’m now beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s Half Man Half Biscuit. My life summed up in a catchy refrain.


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