Be yourself and the right people will love the real you (from a certain page on Facebook)

So I’ve succumbed and submitted. I’ve given in to the PR hype that is Fifty Shades of Grey and I want to say something about it but I may be a wee bit unsure of what it is all about. I mean I stood in B&Q for about a full hour with the Dulux Colour chart at that page and I got no ‘come-ons’ whatsoever.  Mmm.  Not so sure.

But I did get an inkling when former colleague and top pop film critic, Siobhan, quoted the line; ‘he took off his socks individually.’ I did try to take mine both off at the same time but I couldn’t. The heels get in the way. 😦

But I was reminded of one time when an ‘amour’ said to me, ‘So glad you take your socks off first, jt. Some men never take them off at all.’ Mmm.  No. No comment.

But it did give me the courage to bring down my collection of those books from the attic. My favourite was one called Happiness is a Warm Cat. Or similar. And I must find that Steve Martin pussy gag on Youtube at some point. And in case anyone thinks I’m being rude it’s what we editors call a justified lexicographical juxstaposition. (Steve’s is much funnier and more honest than anything Mrs Slocombe ever said.)

Incidentally, Siobhan, and sorry about the Bananarama gag the other century, how come we never found all these experts in Salford that the BBC is finding now? If Cary Cooper won’t come to the BBC then the BBC must go to Cary Cooper.

Elsewhere, I have obtained volunteer work in recovery in a project in the West of Scotland. Usual confidential rules apply. Nice ppl. I was being shown around the place when this worker man says to me, ‘I know your face.’ I hate that. Apart from the fact that I’ve worked in so many places and met so many ppl, there are thirteen and a half months when I remember so little, but I know I did a lot. The evidence is there in the MP3 player with the Wu Tung Clan on it. It’s a symbol

Anyway, back to this nice man. So I asked him what kind of job he’d done before. Turns out he was a warder in Barlinnie. Tricky. But then it turned out he knew Millie who used to be the manageress of the Clydebank FC Social Club all those years ago. No. I don’t understand how we made that quantum leap either but this is for anyone who managed to last to the end of the Saturday night dance down at Kilbowie. This is how they ended the night. To hell with a slow snog for the last dance. Life’s tough in the lower divisions Seb Coe, sorry, Sevco. 😀

Don’t follow in my footsteps. I only walk into brick walls (thanks Angela and I may use that one day) but what next Mock the Week? Invite David Cameron and Gideon Osborne on?  That was sooooo establishment.

That was really weird. My brain said ‘or’ but my fingers typed ‘and’. See, rainforestiverman – someone else does write this. And there’s what looks like a rooftop protest happening on the bungalow across from me. omg, I hope they’re meant to be there. I have a semi, incidentally. But they are throwing tiles down on to the pavement.

Anyway. Caught up with AJ and the very serene e the other day. AJ has the same fascination with stones that Jay the Boy Wonder has, and I must ask about the donkey stones one day. And it’s interesting how realistic some of the DVDs are these days for young ppl. I remember sitting with study buddie Fi watching UP and thinking how realistic it was, especially the waterfall. Hey, if I can talk to an invisible bush kangaroo, then a talking dog and a house being uplifted by balloons is plausible.  But there’s a bit in Looking for Nemo which is based on an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting……..a shark saying ‘My name is Brian and I’ve not eaten a fish for three weeks.’ And how nice to see a dentist administering novocaine. We can get our information from such interesting places, can’t we?

And finally, a really big Well Done to Jonny Marray, who I had never heard of until Satyrday morning.  Andy Murray was not, as some slack journalism described it on Monday morning, the first British man to reach a Wimbledon final for seventy-four years. Jonny had done it the day before.

Cya, keep(ing it fun) and still wearing that badge? In fifty shades of cerise…..

Johnt850, fascinating and raunchy.

My alter ego first saw hardcore porn when he was about 14. Peterhead was/is a fishing town and much was brought in by dads who hid it in sheds or whatever having popped into Danish ports. Magazines like Color Climax and Red Hot Dutch and others. And one son (not me) found the stash and brought it in.

Now I’ve no real point to make here bout porn itself. No ‘it never did me any harm’ conversation but I do wonder where the real interest has come from in the aforementioned book. Has Waterstones, for example, had a rush to the Erotica shelves? Or has the push come from somewhere else? Is someone trying to re-kindle some interest, maybe?

I remember having a conversation like this with a former sauna worker in a hotel in Bellshill.  It was basically about dual standards and the ppl who had used her services. I once heard a lovely (or sad) story about a woman who wanted to spice up her married life and bought a subscription to one of those channels. Turned out her husband had had it for a few years already.

Think I’ll stop there. I’ve a long journey ahead of me. 🙂

In the week when the Rolling Stones celebrate fifty years of being over-rated for most of them, this is the World’s greatest rock artist, Jack White, with Many Shades of Black and I have them all.

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