It’s always something, there’s always something going wrong That’s the only guarantee, that’s what this is all about It’s a never ending attack, everything’s a lie and that’s a fact. Life is a lemon and I want my money back. (Meatloaf)

And so to the question that has been concerning many since the last show – why did Son Brian come to my house for tea when it was Dad’s Day. Simple. I asked him. And he came bearing gifts. Two real shirts. To go with the suits I had liberated from the three bags going to the charity shops all those weeks ago. 🙂

But it did lead to an interesting mix’n’match. Y’see, voyages of discovery with Study Buddie Fi are not restricted to Northern Ayrshire supermarkets (strangely omitted from the Herald of Glasgow’s Guide to Tourist Attractions of Ayrshire).  We went to charity shops. She bought designer gear for knock down prices. I bought CDs. But I wanted new denims and I am studently. Again. And much as I like Men at Debenhams (it’s a shop; not a lifestyle choice) I can’t afford it. 😦

So walking past one of Byres Road’s many charity shops, I spotted a pair of ripped, bleachly denims on a dummy in the window. So I went in and asked the woman what size they were. She said, ‘are there none like them on the rails?’ I said ‘No’. She said ‘I’ll have a look’ and proceeded to have a wrestling match with the dummy to pull his trousers off. It reminded me strangely of a video I once watched whilst doing some Criminal Justice System Referencing a wee while back. 😉

She succeeded. And I said jokingly, ‘Good job, you didn’t do that in the window.’ ‘It’s okay, son, dummies don’t do it for me.’ The waist size was fine (30” – I’ve stopped living off chocolate and crisps altho’ tuna on toast remains a favourite) but they were three inches too long. ‘Look son they’re frayed enuff as it is. Just take scissors to them.’ So I have done. And damn fine they look.

But I know dummies. I did naloxone training with some centre users when I was on placement and apparently I hit the dummy’s chest so hard during CPR, that they reckoned I’d killed it. But, hey, I carry a naloxone kit in the car.

Oh, and btw, school pal, Sharon, the Grand Council has appointed you to a very important sub-committee – in fact you are that sub-committee.

But I have started doing my reading for my Domination Degree (what’s that Skippy?…It’s not that kind of Master.)….oh…..anyway one of the books says ‘few experiences match the sense of achievement and exhilaration that result from finishing your thesis.’ Mmm, leaving aside any recent Phwoar moments, I was there, at New Kilbowie, the night Clydebank Youth team beat Celtic Youths one-nil in the first round of the BP Youth Cup. Years ago. I may have been happily married at the time. The thesis has a long way to go to beat that one. 😀

Yes, the same Clydebank (nickname the Bankies) which has asked UN Chief Ban Ki-moon to help them find a new ground but for the life of me I can’t understand what the connection might be. The same Clydebank that was taken over by the liquidated Airdrieonians, who renamed themselves Airdrie United (Death to the Diamonds)and moved the club back to Airdrie and wiped out Clydebank’s illustrious history. And the last time I said Death to the Diamonds this blog was linked to an Airdrie dogging site – complete with ppl wearing gimp masks.

The same book suggested avoiding the shallowness of quick and ‘dirty’ research. Sharon, can we put that on the agenda for the first meeting. I’m quite happy with quick and ‘dirty’ research. And this town, you mis-spell……..did you ever have a fancy for super hero, Green Lantern? Moving swiftly on.

And a big day looms for the Vampire Slayer and Missie K, but I have postponed mine.

Anyway mention of the school reminds me…one of the things I became aware of when studying drink’n’drugs there was just how heavy and regular a drinker I’d been post-separation/divorce at the Beeb when I worked there – a view echoed by Ken Bruce, with whom I worked, who was quoted this week as describing the Beeb and its ‘old drinking culture when most of the staff were three-quarters pissed most of the time’. Still made good programmes tho’.

Anyway mention of the school reminds me…I got annoyed at one of the male librarians who said, ‘We’ve got a book for you, Mr t850……oh, no, it’s a different t850’. Listen pal there is only one t850. The nice lady librarians don’t make that mistake.

And finally, a lot of those ppl who slagged Jimmy Carr off are those who pay their tax on a PAYE basis (eg the Prime Minister) and just get a standard deduction. Self-employed ppl like me and Jimmy make certain decisions about our tax affairs and do what suits us best – within the rules. I mean I don’t pay tax either. Mind you, I don’t earn enuff to pay tax.   

Cya keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes. It’s tax-deductible.

Johnt850…the one and only. I don’t do stereotypes. No. I don’t.

So it’s time, this week, for my latest six-monthly cancer conversation with Nurse ED and the latest specific blood test I do for that has come in at 0.9, which is good.

But it’s a week in which the latest theory for the cause of prostate cancer was unveiled as drinking seven or more cups of tea and the BBC’s very fragrant Eleanor Bradford (a smashing footballer) talked ‘bout the fact that this cancer becomes more common for men in their seventies. My alter-ego was 52/3 when it was discovered, FFS! That’s why I refuse to be defined by age because it is just a number and I wish others saw that as well. Particularly when it concerns me and ppl important to me.

And the only reason that I can think of for why the cancer took effect in me was lifestyle – I didn’t do seven cups of tea. I did seven pints, seven whiskies and, well…… anyway, Brian Hibbard, lead singer of the Flying Pickets, died this week at the age of 63.

Watch this space for news about the Prostate Cancer Charity…and to all those women citing fruits on their Facebook site, make sure your menfolk are just as aware. Brian also appeared in Corrie and was one of Deirdre’s many livers. I watch it in a parallel universe. I know what I’m talking about. Enjoy. You will recognise it as soon as it starts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgDKtLPp46s

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