what a field day for the heat, a thousand people in the street, singing songs that they carry inside, mostly say hurray for our side….it’s time we stop…hey what’s that sound..everybody look what’s going down (Buffalo Springfield)

The theme for this week’s blog was long decided before Cameron’s Britain was summed up by a dog(!) called Pudsey winning Britain’s Got Talent. No. It’s been festering inside me since I started school in Paisley about six months ago and watched all the teachers get excited about something called Pavlova’s Dogs.

Apparently the world revolves around the idea that these dogs got excited at lunchtime not by the prospect of getting food – but a bell ringing. Now not only does that sound like any other school – the bell ringing at lunchtime does not mean everyone is looking forward to school dinners, but to an end of the teacher going on and on and on – but it did seem to me and the other (former) journo in the class (Study Buddie Fi since you ask) to lack one simple piece of research.

In all the excitement that the boffins in their white coats with their clipboards and stopwatches and Joe 90 spex  and Pavlova himself were experiencing, one vital thing seems to have been ignored. NO-ONE ASKED THE FREAKIN’ DOGS WHAT THEY THOUGHT! 😦

Think about it. You’re a dog and your agent has got you this gig where you eat as much as you want but you know that somehow you gotta keep it going cos there’s not a lot of work out there (Blair and Brown’s Britain)…..so you give the guys paying the bills something different. (There is an obvious laddish comment here which I will ignore). And the more excited they get the more you give them (That’s why)…….and suddenly you’re front page news all over Social Science World (I get it for Page 3)…….simples (and No, I haven’t forgotten the Vampire Slayer or the meerkats)….you keep it going……and you say nothing. Pavlova gets all the credit….you get all the food. 🙂

Animals are smarter than us, aren’t they Skippy? Sitting quietly and peacefully on Largs beach the other night, a man on a push bike pulled up and started shouting at his dog, Martin, to travel about four hundred yards across rocks and rock pools. Martin the dog gave him the canine equivalent of the two fingers and happily romped with another dog. 🙂

But yes, it does sometimes come down to the owners. Two brilliant cameos down on Irvine Beach (and honest I am still studying) where two women had three devil dogs fighting amongst themselves and did not realise that the best way to stop that happening was to take at least one of them away. Instead they were shouting, ‘Someone help us please.’ Like that. Without punctuation. 😦

And then yesterday a man with three terriers was out walking with them. Not taking them for a walk. But walking with them. ‘That is so nice, isn’t it?’ said Sasha, the Golden Labrador.

But it’s not just dogs, or indeed technically, animals. I note that the stage production of Douglas Adams’s Hitch Hikers’ Guide is coming to Glasgow. As everyone knows, in it the Earth is bulldozed to make way for an Inter-Galactic Super Highway and no-one knows this is going to happen. Except the dolphins who vamoose as soon as they know it’s going to happen………and their final message to those of us left on Earth?

‘So long and thanks for all the fish.’

(Listeners worrying as to whether the bulldozing of earth was true or not may be reassured by the parallel universes theory………)

And it’s the same with something called the Leikert Scale (Greatly like, couldn’t give a toss, greatly dislike). I asked if there was any research that told us what influences our decisions about these things. The boffin didn’t think so. Cos I’m sure I can’t have been the only one filling out a Scotrail questionnaire on the 4.30 from Queen Street to Summerston many years ago, necking my first drink of the day from a bottle whilst sitting at the front of the train so no-one could see. That’s when I wasn’t filling out Army application forms in my mates’ names.

And finally yesterday was a good walking day (Irvine to Barrassie by beach) for the travelogue ‘Every week a Voyage of Discovery, even if, for me, it ended with the Chinese takeaway that reminded me why I don’t go to that Chinese takeaway.  And for those of you who know the real purpose of Study Buddie Fi’s tour of the beautiful North Ayrshire countryside with me and Jay the boy wonder, can I just say….Lidl, Dalry. Twice in one week.

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes and Dog is God backwards. Says it all.

Johnt850 who sometimes wishes his hair was more Phil Redmond than Roberto Mancini.

So I’ve been writing this thing for school called an Academic Theoretical Revue – it’s a comedy script and it’s about the stigma of the alcoholic returning to the workplace and has nothing to do whatsoever to my own personal experience when I was called scum (Thatcher’s Britain) and couldn’t be trusted cos I’d be bound to relapse.

So I’m now over five years clean and clear. But what if I had ‘relapsed’ occasionally? Surely, old timer, it’s about the quality of the sober days. Not the quantity.

And after a blog like that there can only be one youtube clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km0zHbxvwZQ&noredirect=1

or is it this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnPor-lZrUc

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