Don’t want to hear about it Every single one’s got a story to tell Everyone knows about it From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell

I am beginning to get paranoid about the school library. There are elements to it that don’t like me and can I preface what I am about to say by saying that there are some very nice ppl who work there, particularly in Issues and Returns. Can I also say that Missie K works in Glasgow libraries, AJ’s mum, e, used to work in one in the College and friend and colleague, the gorgeous W loves them?

Pleasantries over. Clarkson moment approaching. Watch out. Irony alert! Lol 😀 hehehehehe

There is something about the school library which does not like me. Evidence base is as follows.

Evidence One; Study buddie Fi needs to check one thing on computer; there is one vacant computer. She logs on and I kneel down on floor. It’s a position I’ve got to know sooooo well over the years. Moving swiftly on. Instantly, quicker than the fag police outside, a man is over telling me that it’s one computer per person and that he is wearing shirt and tie and is therefore in a position of authority.  I don’t even bother but take seat upstairs and continue to look over Fi’s shoulder but from a distance. Good cleavage viewing point for the warm months. Hey, women can look down my cleavage any time. That’s all I’m saying. Lol! 😀 hehehehehe

Evidence Two; I normally stalk Third Floor South (Skippy. Find the Thesaurus. ‘Stalk’ might be inappropriate. Skippy, I do not want your opinion. That incident was just a misunderstanding. No. I unfriended her. No. That was different.) Anyway…..there is a Third Floor North. Books with the code number 616 live there. I ask directions from friendly Librarian lady (actually library ladies are friendly to me…..)…..and enter Third Floor North.  Alone. I find books and attempt to re-enter. Third Floor South. Not friendly……….

(and before anyone attacks me for sexist humour, it’s lifted from a James Bond movie as played by the World’s favourite Scotsman, Sean Connery, so it’s allowed)

I get lost. I walk in circles but can you walk in circles when you keep turning left and then right and the good looking young female student of a minute ago is now a fire-breathing dragon talking Spanish into her mobile Dyson air dryer……or am I panic attacking? All the doors are wired Fire Doors. Omg….am I going to have to….? And then I spot the way out……..I live to breathe another day. But not fire.

And when I say dragon, you do get some really nice looking ones……not that looks are important…….fire breathing should be judged on its merits. Not looks.

Evidence Three; I am leaving the library building wearing rucksack which is now the second entry on my list of what I’m bequeathing to ppl after my farewell gig at Maryhill Crem. Son Brian gets the house, my entire collection of Clydebank FC programmes and a rather fetching photo of a sea-lion on my bathroom wall. Actually, W, there is a choice of rucksacks…

Anyway there is a revolving door which gathers up speed when you enter it. Fi has gone on ahead. Bravely. So I make it into the next gap. Unfortunately my rucksack doesn’t. It is stuck in the gap behind. The world begins to slow down and stops revolving on its axis. Eventually both me and the rucksack make it through……..Fi is giving me that kinda withering look which usually my son gives me. Down the phone.

And whilst I’m in a kinda ‘not-happy-with-the-BBC’ mode …….the problem with the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Award is not that there are no women – there are no personalities. Lewis Hamilton? Andy Murray? The guy selling the tickets for the half-time draw at Firhill has more charisma than them……….And as for the contenders for the Blog Personality of the Year Award…..yowza! They have personality. Lots. Soz but no Lols cos it’s tru.

And finally, one of our teachers said that almost all hypotheses can be disproved except E=MC2squared. But Jeremy Clarkson, in the Sun of the other day, so it must be true, said that Einstein had got it wrong and I trust Jeremy implicitly. Don’t I? Lol! 😀 hehehehehe

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes. But not in the library.

Johnt850, knowing your right from your left is sooooo important, isn’t it? No. No reason.

Y’see, what Clarkson said what crass and boorish – just like him. But I’m going to defend his right to say it. Not on the grounds of Free Speech but as a defence of Post-Modern Irony. Of a sense that ppl can not now tell the difference between what is said and what is meant by what is said. Listen to it all. Feel the context. Smile the glove.

I’m sure everyone who has complained has done what I did – read the transcripts and watched the full replay. His use of those words on the Day of Action was a strongly disguised attack on the weak-kneedness of the BBC and its continual need for balance and compliance which is ruining it as a major broadcaster (Sorry BBC Al and I still owe you that drink).

But what for me summed up the rubbish that occasionally passes for broadcasting and is merely an opportunity for people to promo DVDs and shows and stuff and to give that awkwardly shaped Sarah Millilken an opportunity to ruin every panel show she appears on………was the reluctance of the two inane tw*ts on the settee to give Clarkson the slapping down he deserved at that time…..

I speak as someone who knows lots of slappers……. Lol! 😀 hehehehe

And I can’t believe there are people out there who have never heard of the White Stripes, who supplied the opening lyric. This is for they…….xx

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