Chicken lips and lizard hips and alligator eyes, Monkey legs and buzzard eggs and salamander thighs Rabbit ears and camel rears And tasty toenail pies. Stir ’em all together and it’s mama’s soup surprise

…..or, alternatively, Lem-Sip. Either should have the required effect. And, in case you’re worried, the opening words there came from Bruce Springsteen (62) but are not chosen just ‘cos it’s Hallowe’en. (And hi Jack, hope you’re having a brill time). Gosh, all these hidden messages. I feel like the Radio Padre in World War II, the amazing story of whom can be found in an amazingly good book on The History of BBC Scotland 1923-1973 by Pat Walker and some of the initial editing is amazing. No. No reason.

But yes, it is that time of year – when the Vampire Slayer tends to dominate the show knowing that she is out there protecting us no matter what the other world sends at us. And I’d like to thank her for sending all those photos…..phew….hard choice….I’d say go with Tuesday’s suggestion (*he says taking his life in his hands*)……brilliant disguise….even more phew.

But it’s been a real mixed week. No one event has dominated. I had hoped by hermitting I might get a lot of things done. For example, friend and colleague, the gorgeous W, ‘encouraged’ me into changing the kitchen strip lighting. Sometimes persuading me to do things rather than get a man in must be harder than, say, training a puppy. But, hey, it worked. And I’ve not had it off since. The kitchen light. That is.

(I was going to use the line, ‘but it needs touched up everyday’….but I decided against it. Random cluster interviewing maybe carried out later amongst a sample of the population about the qualitative nature of that gag)

Actually some listeners may remember that W and I were extras in Lip Service, the BBC 3 lesbian drama, and she went on to star with Brad Pitt and I auditioned as an extra for Scarlett Johansson. Word reaches me that Scarlett has, in fact, been filming in Wishae. Without me. Her loss.

One newspaper claimed; ‘while the other aliens resemble cats, Johansson has been made to look like an attractive human female.’  No. I don’t need much make up either. Or hair dye, Jo.

Oh, and cos I forgot last week, this week’s three letters of the alphabet are P – for punchiness, procrastination and pcrashing waves……….it’s a silent P….….okay?

But I can’t do everything for myself (ooh-er, matron) as I was saying to my gardener the other day. The oven in my cooker has died and the repairman from a shop near St George’s Cross has pronounced the view that the next time he’s over it’ll be to perform the last rites. Which, considering he’s Sikh, is quite worrying.

But I have entered the twenty-first century. I have a Blackberry and it’s all thanks to Dawn at Orange Correspondence who is this month’s Consumer Champion of the Week. Basically I had an account which didn’t exist, one that was perhaps remenin, rmens, was better long forgotten. Basically I was sent a bill and I paid it. So now, sitting on the floor in my house is this all-singing, all-dancing telephone, but it works and my first caller was Dawn……who couldn’t believe that I’d kept it in the box for so long. Yes. I have found her on F/book………..mmmmm

And then this book (launch), I referred to at the top. For some people like the author and Mike Shaw it was a labour of love. For me it was a paying job. Until Wednesday night when I met some of those mentioned in the book or who knew people mentioned in the book. Quite a moving occasion.

Except, quite a few of them actually gave me their coats to hang up; ‘Sorry. I thought you were a member of staff’ will never really catch on as a catchphrase, will it? And no. I had no saucer for tips.  

And finally, it’s been a difficult week for a few of my friends; recent, middling and long standing……it’s at the end of a week like this that I miss alcohol. A difficult couple of days. A settling couple of drinks. Except it wouldn’t be just that. Would it? One of the teachers got it wrong the other day; one drink’s too many, twelve’s too few.

Anyway, there’s Harvard referencing to be done. Skippy, fire up the Google………now that’s a catchphrase.

Cya, keeping it (fun) and still wearing that badge. That, and some mails and message and calls really cheered me up at times. Ta.

Johnt850, who plans to turnitin even as we speak.

And just a wee word, if I may about the university course I’m on. Some folk think it’s counselling. It’s not. That is just one of many ‘intervention’ methods. Lying in a trolley in the Western, just under five years ago, the last thing I needed was counselling………mmmm…..… diazepam……but some ppl have said I’d be good.

I’d be rubbish. I’m too judgemental in that I laff too much. I’m the kind of person who would say to someone, ‘that was a f**king stupid thing to do.’ And the one example that came to mind recently, (and someone out there knows what and who I’m talking about), well,  some of C’s stories were worth listening to in themselves. That’s what worked that time.

(That and the Pitt Street police station story…..rivalled by a conversation I had with a surveyor at a flat my sis owns….we cldn’t work out which was worse………his two cancers or my one cancer and the alcoholism. We were rolling about the floor laffing.)

I’d be a lousy counsellor but at least you’d leave laffing. And optimistic.

Actually, I feel Dawn from Orange would be a brilliant counsellor. But she laffed a lot as well. Probably ignored every law of call centre training.

Anyway, I’ve still to make it down to the AC/DC exhibition at Kelvingrove. I’m still keen to go and if anyone’s not been, then let me know. This is they. Maybe it’s been a rocking good week after all.

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