The lights shine off, the lights shine on Making our faces many colours Everyone is moving Like waves make an ocean on and on Everybody singing. Yes, this is happiness happening

Less experienced listeners may never have heard of General Charles de Gaulle, who was the leader of the allied French forces during World War II. When questioned why he had a military hat with Greek letters around the base, he replied, ‘It’d look pretty stupid with French ones.’

His wife was not well known for her grasp of English. When asked what she wanted most out of life, she replied, ‘A penis.’ At which point, her husband stepped in and corrected her pronounciation and said, ‘I think my dear, you mean happiness.’

And if you ever want to get a real laff at a Karaoke night, sing Ken Dodd’s Number 1 hit, ‘Happiness’ with Mrs de Gaulle’s pronounciation. ‘I thank the Lord that I’ve been blessed……’

And the opening track was Happiness from the Happy Hardcore Hipster, Hixxy.

So, as the impending enrolment impends, I’m in hap, hap, happy mood, but yet mildly terrified. It’s not meeting people that worries me. I am sure that, come the end of the day, everyone will know who Johnt850 is. For me, it’ll be like when I soberly enter a group of alcohol drinkers. I won’t hang back. That’s what gives sobriety a bad name. Hanging back. Apologising.

(Actually, in a strange way, it’s a release. It’s much more fun chatting up women, say, when you’re not drunk. You can say to someone’s mum, ‘Never!…..I thought you were her sister’ and sound as if you mean it. Instant interest. 😀  I’ll move on)

Probably the only time I’m not truly me are family occasions, when I’m surrounded by much more experienced ppl, (or ppl with different experiences) and I’m lost for things to talk about. Altho’ I’d like to say a big thanks to KT’s bro’ (also a student at UWS (Paisley) but different subject) for his instant appreciation of me. I asked where best I should use my student discount; he said ‘clubbing’.

So secure in the knowledge I will be an uncontrollable gusher (‘everything in working order’) both before and after enrolment, I’d like to say a few thanks (this weekend’s a kinda villa-lowpoint):

For example to e’s mate, Alison who seemed totally unperturbed by the fact that whilst she was chatting to e I had wandered off with AJ. I am getting soooooooooooooo well known in that softplay centre. But can I stress that I honestly did think that was the ventilation system? The staff were very understanding.

To L frae Troon for the v. helpful discussion re highlighter pens, but I’m not sure that size does matter. (Boy, did I check the spelling in that sentence after this week’s opener) Oh, and ask one of your colleagues about the concept of the Brazilian Blow Dry.

Incidentally, W, I found the last one of that pack of polo mints – shows how long it is since I wore that jacket. (OMG! What will I wear? I have nothing studenty. I might grow my hair long, tho’.)

And a long awaited outpatient appointment has come in that has nothing to do with my alcoholism or cancer. I may now cancel my audition for Embarrassing Bodies.

And can I stress that that £3m ‘street value’ find of cocaine and heroin (helluva lot of speedballs) was in a flat not that far way from here and, yes, there was a stabbing in the ASDA Car Park a couple of weeks ago, and yes, the granddad who I mentioned a few weeks ago who dealt from his grandchild’s buggy also had a huge stash of weaponry when his house was raided, and there is a crackdown in the area. But, no, I have other ideas for my research project.

And I’ll need to watch my spending…..just that one final purchase, Son Brian, that helped me with. Altho’ I do have a separate stash of money set aside for ‘entertainment’….some ppl keep theirs in a ****** sock (it’s a password on my computer)……I keep mine in a Calvin Klein wallet.

And well done to Jayne and her pals for walking the West Highland Way and thanks for the Good Luck card….and it doesn’t bother me that they’re married if it doesn’t bothe…..there’s the door-bell. Probably saved by it.

And to my happy Partick Thistle supporting mates….four-nil and there’s more to University life than freshers…….there’s, eh, eh, eh……..I’ll let you know a week on Friday.

And finally, to the families of the Welsh miners, my thoughts genuinely were with you last week. I may not speak that highly of my hometown of Peterhead, a fishing port, but I can still share that sense of waiting for news, occasionally, as a Harbour Office clerk (summer job), being the harbinger of that news, and attending the funerals. On one occasion I even had to check a cargo manifest of six recovered bodies against the actual bodies. Some things you don’t forget.

Cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Polishing it up, even as we speak.

Johnt850, who will obviously have nothing to talk about next week.

So, in a recent conversation with friend and colleague the gorgeous W, I was reminded of an interview that James Blount gave. When asked whether he (Blount), as a military officer, had killed anyone, he said, ‘No. I always got someone else to do it.  Corporal, shoot that man.’

I was commenting on how messy my garden, and some of the neighbours’ were, following the mild storms of earlier in the week (I used to play ‘chicken’ on the North Harbour wall of Peterhead Fishing Harbour during real gale force winds) and how I wanted to get a man in. I was told, in no uncertain terms, by W, to get out there and sort it for myself. So I did. I know that voice.

The next day, the gardener came. He only rang once.

I’m playing this closing number for a number of reasons, including a re-assuring mega-thanks to someone BUT if it reaches you like it leaves me, watch the guy lip-synching to the guitar.

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