Archive for May, 2011

Well I’ve been taking my time, slow going’s nothing new to me. I’ve just been taking my time. Slide up, just drop everything. I’m falling outta my car…not sure what I’m doing here.

May 28, 2011

Well, as many of you might have expected, this week’s prog is dedicated to one person who last Sunday performed heroics and battled against the odds to turn in an amazing performance. Me. What a badly organised event the Edinburgh Marathon is! In fact, truth to tell, it’s the Musselburgh/Longniddry Marathon which starts in Edinburgh, that’s what it really is.

But before I go any further can I say how wonderfully well the gorgeous W did in finishing well within the first 9,618 people with a time of just over 6 hours, 31 mins. I, and so many others, are just so proud. Well done. 😀 😀 😀

I just don’t think the organisers realised the problems caused by finishing such a big event in such a small town. I drove through from Glasgow (early, as is my wont) and it was good for the new Clio to have a run. I managed to find Straiton Park’n’Ride without too much difficulty. Indeed here is some CCTV foot-rage of my driving which has been made available to me;

Johnny Depp practising to play me in the movie of my life. And no recreational drugs were harmed in the making of that movie. The monkey never worked again tho’.

If you ever need a break from the day to day stress of work, read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Anyway, at Straiton, the problems started cos the shuttle bus took so long to shuttle. The family who befriended me, cos I looked so young and lost, were the Davidsons, who’d to wait so long on this bus that they took a call from their mum, saying that she had one mile to go and where were they? They were still waiting on the f**king bus!

Somebody else took a call on the bus to say that their friend/partner had finished. They took it quite quietly. Had it been me, I’d have got the entire bus to cheer down the phone. And even when we got there, bus parking was miles away from the finishing line where no-one was allowed to see people finish.

The big screen van was there but no big screen; there was no indication of where the runners were after their run; they’d to wait ages to get their stuff and medals; and not everyone got a t-shirt; and bus signs were splet ‘busses’.

On the plus side, the porridge with strawberry jam that I had to keep me going was smashing; the toileting queue was good; the stewards were fantastic; but my big thanks goes to the young man who realising I was concerned about W* told me where the HelpDesk was and they told me she still was out on the course.

*I may have said something out loud with the odd expletive in it, indicating concern. No. No reason.

But it was really good when I got the mobile call to say she was near the end…..of course, I said all the right things like ‘Keep going’, ‘You’re doing really well’ and ‘Not long to go now.’ She could have been in a portaloo for all I knew! (Anyone potty training at the moment?)

Anyway that’s it done. It’s been blogged. So e, Missie K, the Vampire Slayer, Son Brian, my lawyer (eh?), my ex-wife’s husband (double eh?) Nick@ Demus, the rrm et al – all think you did really well. I shall now shut up about it.

Oh, Vampire Slayer, while you’re there……Twin Peaks…..brill TV prog…….full of nutjobs…….the bullet would have to be silver, tho’…….

Oh, final last ever word. When I parked at Straiton, I parked my car as far away as possible for some exercise (as we all do). Not a good idea when your passenger has just run 26.2 miles. Such language from a lady. 😦

Oh, and the Prostate Cancer Charity was there as ppl were running for the Charity. Amazing stories from them. Maybe one day the Charity will get around to telling the world these stories. It must be sick of mine by now. (Farewell Stephen Jardine from The Hour. Nobody had ever said that about me before. Until you did)

Oh, and I provided an inexpensive picnic basket. ASDA sandwiches, Golden Wonder crisps and Red Bull – but no half bottle of red wine. Such language from a lady. 😦

I say inexpensive. I’d to buy a new pair of shoes just to get the box. Oke, it was that discount shop in Clydebank just across from KFC……….not that I was tempted, of course, being a devout pescetarian.

Creates a major problem. tho’ when people suggest ‘road kill’ as a source of food.

And finally, like any blogger I’d be delighted not to mention the name Hugh Bonneville but as I live in the STV area I’ve never seen Downton Abbey and don’t know who he is, so why do ppl keep telling me the name of the woman working as a prostitute who apparently used a sex toy on him?

However I will abide by the super-Interim Interdict which forbids me mentioning Freddie Ljundberg, Robbie Keane, Dion Dublin and Ian Wright and their careers at Celtic. Mind you, they don’t talk much about that time either!

cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? But it looks so small in comparison to the Marathon medal. 😀

Johnt850, asleep by about ten o’clock last Sunday night. I was shattered.

And at the end of it all, she said, ‘thanks’. Such language. From a lady. 😀

There is no message in this lyric. Just a good time. Just cos. (It’s amazing how it all comes together. The writing. The convertible. Oke. The two sun rooves)

Well never mind, we all are that And going all the way is where I’m at With delivery smooth like water from a fountain That’s why I can move any mountain Move move move any mountain

May 21, 2011

That inspirational tune goes out to many people as they do what they want to do, whilst smiling and staying happy. Like me. It’s from The Shamen, originally formed in Aberdeen, and what was so brilliant was their ability to mix influences from the amazing 13th Floor Elevators with early house music. One of the early bands on the rave scene I suppose, a scene where alcohol was not necessary to enjoy a good nite. The music helped, ‘tho. It’s when bottled water became popular.

I wonder I what I will do as my research project.

So no Figures of Hate this week. I am in a much happier mood than last week. I’ve been getting out the house which always helps. Altho’ remains busy. I have repeat business. Mega thanks to those who asked after me, btw. Depression Day was Friday.

Incidentally I love the fact that some of the Irish groups protesting about the Queen’s visit had website addresses on their banners and interesting as well that it wasn’t just the republican cohorts who were agin’ the visit but also loyalist troops…….bringing communities together.

So a big thanks to the good looking* e and AJ for getting me out on Monday afternoon. Really brill milk chocolate cheesecake in Tinderbox BUT e, I thought that was a f**king gun going off. Not you dropping a tray. Oke, luckily it was a good looking blonde I pulled to the floor (eh?) but that was serious fright. I had to buy an identical pair of jeans the next day to replace those I was wearing. And AJ slept through it all.

* and why not?

And a big meet with the Vampire Slayer on Wend, Wedn….this week. People often ask what we talk about at these meets and I say, drink, drugs, sex, rock and roll….and people look at me with a quizzical eye. So this week we discussed the cultural benefits of impromptu twinning.

(How good was that, VS? No need to do the line about ‘you being late, but you were worth waiting for’. Cos you weren’t. Late. That is. But other than that you were. Worth waiting for.) 😀 Nice haircut, btw.

Missie K (and Steph) started their new show on Pulse and good it was too; L frae Troon is about to incur the wrath of any passengers I may have over the next wee while as I play the collected works of Jimmy Barnes through the Clio’s super duper sound system; to Adelle, yes, shame the Queen wasn’t in when you called; and to Son Brian, I haven’t quite got the gorgeous W‘s agreement that she’ll run in the Scout 5k next March – all depends on whether she survives the Embra Marathon. And the journey home. And no. No sponsorship requested. Was that not an album by Phil Collins?

I need chocolate. Back in a second. Where is Skippy, when you need her?

To the blogmeister, well done on the new job. Does that make you Superblogmeister? This edition of the show is its 188th, ever since that fateful day I found your address, scrawled graffitti-like, in the sky over the City of Gotham College….or Building and Printing as then was. You and gd frnd clr. That line must be around here somewhere. I’ve just never found it. No. No reason.

However, this week’s Apology of the Week comes from the Times of Evening who wrongly reported that singer/songwriter Peter MacLeod had written his new song ‘after losing his father to cancer’. It should have read, ‘after his father had been diagnosed with cancer’……. not much difference there then.

But I do want here to pay tribute to the late SFA secretary, Ernie Walker, a man who had quite a fearsome reputation but I must say that any time I invited him to appear on a radio programme, he always declined. Politely. Naw, it was reported in some quarters that Ernie had lost a long battle to prostate cancer. He was 83, having had it diagnosed when he was 71. Trust me. At that age, that’s a battle won.

And finally, it’s been claimed that ‘men who drink a lot of coffee dramatically cut their risk of lethal prostate cancer.’ Six cups apparently is good. (I think it’s the word ‘cut’ that’s dramatic rather than the style of drinking it.)

What I like (not) about that is the idea that suddenly we might return to the culture of the eighties where the man with shakes not only has had too many espressos in order to work at the highest levels of business but now believes he is warding off cancer. 

Me? It wasn’t the espressos. It was the DTs. And it didn’t work. I still got the cancer.

 cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes, and it is about to set out on its longest journey yet. Embra.

And news just in. The gorgeous W completed the Embra marathon in 6 hrs 31 mins and I was there………..

Johnt850, chauffeur to the stars and another Rapture survivor. Close one, eh?

So I was going to use below the line time to discuss a counselling taster course I was due to go to today, but I got as far as the building and had a panic attack. I didn’t realise that it was all day parking on a Satyrday; I had no change; and worse than that, I had no wallet. I decided to go home. I thought someone is telling me something.

That someone was Missie K who was working in a local library. So I went and met her and her colleague Emma and have joined up. What an amazing place libraries are. I will be back. And then I went to (the) ASDA, got slagged rotten by members of the staff just for turning up, but met another Emma, a student who wants to be a journalist. Unusual. Another parallel universe may just have opened up.

So maybe my mind is a mess, maybe it doesn’t do the sensible thing – the thing that sensible people my alter ego’s age is supposed to do. But do you know what? I don’t care. It is my mind. It’s been with me all through my life and I like them both.

This is/these are The Thompson Twins – all three of them 😉 Seriously nice haircuts.

Weigh the pros but the cons come first I’ve got a black belt in doubt. I get claustrophobic all these open doors around. Still the pros are hardest to ignore. I’ve never felt this light before.

May 14, 2011

I just love that line about having a black belt in doubt. No. No reason, and nothing to add to that statement. Actually nothing much to say at all today. Doubt if I’ll make my usual word count. Not in the bestest of moods, the last couple of days.

So let’s get This Week’s Figure of Hate out of the way now. Step forward David Laws the Lib-Dem MP who stole £40,000 rather than admit to being homosexual. Sorry. He broke some House of Commons rules to protect his privacy. He and his partner could have made more money but he didn’t break the rules badly enough.

David Cairns (44), Labour MP for Inverclyde died this week. A former Roman Catholic priest who had the rules changed so he could in fact stand for parliament, he resigned rather than work in Government under Gordon Brown. He is survived, amongst others, by his partner, Dermot. 

Both these men are Roman Catholics. One is a hypocrite; the other was a man of principle.

Moving swiftly on. And the music came from the Cold War Kids.

Can I re-assure Son Brian, btw, that I don’t usually overtake that many cars on the inside with a shout of  ‘it’s just like being in a police car chase, isn’t it?’ on the way to the airport.

Incidentally, the gorgeous W, her dog and I recently walked to Carlisle. At least that’s what it felt like. The dog has to remain anonymous ‘cos he/she (I never asked and never looked) is actually an incredibly well known street artist who values his/her privacy and is not a man of Caribbean descent in Bristol rollin’ an incredibly large joint.

How disappointing was that Listening Cave? I’ve seen more exciting bus shelters. But the back of Dalzell House is like the set of the final scenes of Apocalypse Now. With patio furniture.

I was so impressed with my stamina that I serioulsy considered entering the GE Strathclyde Park Triathlon on 22nd May but that date rings a bell so I can’t. That, and the fact that I can neither swim nor cycle. But Son Brian has put my name down for a Scout 5k run in March next year. I’ll probably come second. I do in everything else. 😦

I parked in what was described to me as a gay cottagers’ car park and I thought how nice of the Strathclyde Park authorities to provide such a facility for people with small, pretty houses. Kelvingrove Park used to have a public convenience that offered the same facility. It was well known to my immediate predecessor at College. It is now a very pleasant tea-room. AJ was sick there the last time I saw him.

So there’s at least one blog between now and the 22nd, but I and some others would like to say Good Luck to W for running in the Embra marathon. Had a look at your pic and you sure don’t look your age…… 😉

And also to L frae Troon, who’s not been on the show recently….welcome back. This is for you;

And finally, I am beginning to catch up socially with various people. One or two still to be confirmed, but the idea of the Vampire Slayer currently as nurse is a good reason for waiting a week or so but Saturdays will be strange without the football. But blogmeister you’re right. Maybe I should get a phone with Facebook. And why does everyone suggest 19th May?

cya keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? My son informs me that leaving something like that in my car where potential thieves can see it invalidates my insurance. Oh, it was my wallet and phone you were talking about. Naw. They can be replaced.

Johnt850, ‘flattering, flirtatious and quite phenomenal’. That’s some reference, Jayne. Thanks.

Oh and another good guy died last week. Roy Stewart. When you get a volunteer from the Prostate Cancer Charity you get someone with three days’ awareness training, and personal experience of the cancer. Before being allowed out on your own, you go out with someone with more experience. I went out with Roy and we hit it off.

The last info stand we did together he was so weak from his chemo he could hardly stand. The last time I met him was a few weeks ago. He was in a wheelchair talking about trials he was taking part in for a new drug. Maybe just a wee bit too late for him. ‘mazing guy. Sometimes I feel a fraud.

But that wasn’t why my mood was black belt. So, let’s lift it.

So, as some of you may know, I recently did some work for a student who had represented her country in Eurovision. This is not her. This is Lordi. Sometimes I miss having hangovers like this. 🙂 ps I’d a look in the mirror there just now….yup, the early side of forty-two I’d say.


Yeah, the revolution starts now In your own backyard In your own hometown So what are you doin’ standin’ around? Just follow your heart The revolution starts now

May 7, 2011

Except I missed it. I missed the revolution. Naw, nothing to do with the voting thing altho’ I am proud to have played my part on Thursday evening and Friday afternoon, but more of that anon. No, I was supposed to be joining some folk at the Carnival against the Cuts May Day Rally in George Square last Sunday and I was sure that Chris had said ‘Meet at 1130’ but no; they left at 1130 and I turned up at 1142, had obviously missed them and went to M & S and bought underwear and t-shirts….saves me washing or tidying up bedrooms, doesn’t it?

Hello Scotland, on the Dawn of a new Era. The land of rock hard coco pops. And JackieMcNamara’sRed’n’Yellowarmy.

Cos that was the other revolution I missed this week. Jaymi and I (and a couple of hundred others) had been given the opportunity of being old fashioned bank clerks down at the SECC. The plan? On the Thursday night to verify the Referendum votes with a view to counting them the next afternoon. Not long after midnight, the task was done. Except some supervisors seemed unable to cope with the stats and were thrown by what are known as transfers (numpties who voted and didn’t realise that the different coloured ballot papers related to polling boxes of that colour). One supervisor was using a pencil and rubber. (Can I say ‘rubber’, btw BBC Al?)  

We were being told nothing so people stood up and graduated towards the exit, just before two, only to be told by a security guard that if we left, we’d never work on a count again. Oh, yeah? I was back in the next afternoon. (And can I say a big thanks to Nicola and Evita with whom I shared a table for two days? A lot of waiting around, a few minutes of frenzied activity and it was all over)

Mind you it’s at times like these you need a good employment rights lawyer. And no. No connection. But the gorgeous W has got a new job starting Monday. It’s legal. (Yes, I’m leaving it as open ended as that) Anyway lots of listeners wishing you lots of luck. 😀 😀 😀

And, gosh, exactly one year to the day this Wednesday since Gordon Brown resigned. So  much has happened since then. And I was hoping to bring you up to date with news of some blog friends but we’re still looking at rotas and stuff.

Normally at this time I would then talk of lashings of ginger beer but in the same way I saw cocaine references in Thomas the Tank Engine, I am now seeing bdsm in the Famous Five; that and phallic imagery – the lighthouse. And I have no idea why I put bdsm in italics. I used to do that with erectile dysfunction.

But do you remember the first joke you heard on TV that you laffed at but your parents didn’t understand? I can’t remember my alter ego’s age but the TV was black and white. It was;

Did you hear about the masochist who liked a cold shower every morning? So he didn’t have one.

It has everything. A build up. A false punchline. Timing. And it makes you think a la Limmy. And it gets you sent to bed. 😦 Alone. 😦 😦

And finally, as many listeners know I am soon (Spetember but it seems soon) to go to an anonymous university somewhere in the West of Scotland near Paisley; its very anonymity guaranteed by its hiding place down the road from one of my former mum-in-law’s fave restaurants, Cardosi’s; across from the students’ union which is run by a Partick Thistle fan; where free pool is available all day on a Wednesday (you have no idea how difficult that day of the week is to type accurately these days!); where I can start myown society; and where the pubs and clubs around  include the jolly interesting looking Cafe Borgia and Fridays at Viennas Nightclub and Caffufal’s  Oh, and the university has a library as well. No. No website address as yet.

So I’ll need some kinda research project but where to begin?

Anyway, there is some serious thinking to be done, and soon members of the High Council, those of long standing and those recently appointed will be receiving tapestries of vellum to register the portent of days to come (or an e-mail with attachment or a facebook message saying I’ve sent an e-mail or a multi talloned headless hawk talking in tongues………..I’m still not sure)

cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? tbh, it’s being carried in my car just now for short notice purposes….just in case.

Johnt850, a man of impulse who does not take ‘no’ for an answer but comes back with another idea

And to this week’s serious note, about GPs seeing 5,500 drink-related illnesses a day. Now leaving aside the Herald of Glasgow’s stupid correlation between this report and the recent ‘Battle of Kelvingrove’, I personally don’t think it’s a bad thing.

My own personal experience was that my GPs were willing and able to help with a range of options beyond those that sometimes get prominence. I felt I got more out of my local Health Centre than I think I would out of the Priory, say. And, indeed, my own experience in a rehab ward was brilliant in that for the first time in many years, including mum’s illness, when I hardly ate at all, suddenly I was getting three meals a day cooked for me. That alone was a big help in my recovery.

No I think it’s a good thing that people are going to the doctors for these reasons. Let’s not get this message confused with people fuelled by drink on a hot holiday Friday in April.

Oh,and Steve Earle did the music thing at the top, btw.

There is one female friend regularly referred to as ‘gorgeous’, but I am incredibly lucky to know many good looking women, all with nice hair.  This is for them. I will say ‘Parental Guidance is needed’ but I’m not sure my folks would have understood it anyway. I am the stunt double. And I am still one of the hottest forty-two year olds I know.