Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch Who watches over you? Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I’m the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul

The band is They Might Be Giants and they’re kinda booked to play at my final ever appearance -well their CD is but not that track – and they’re only there cos I decided not to open with that quote from the Daily Record piece about me/my alter ego (there’s a mask going to slip this week and this week only) cos very often the first few minutes of the show are the bits that make it onto Google and Facebook.

So after a wait of a couple of weeks me and my prostate made it into the pages of the Daily Record and I would like to thank the gorgeous W* for pointing out how adoringly Kate Middleton is looking at me in that spread. But, no, Kate Middleton is not for me. Naomi Campbell….you have my number.

*Nice horse tip, btw 😀 Ta. Nice name 😀

Anyway, the interview was carried out by phone and I’d gone through all the tests including  the one technically known as a Digital Rectal Examination. Then the reporter asked the question, ‘and at what stage did alarm bells ring?’ to which I could only reply, ‘well when the nurse put her finger up my bum, I knew things were not going too well for me’……..hence the quote attributed to me which I feel is journalistically accurate.

The sentence after that involved the words ‘Clatty Pat’s’ and ‘nurses’. Maybe it’s better that quote was not used.

And I’m really looking forward to tagging tonight’s show – words like ‘menopause’, ‘Viagra’, ‘sex drive’ and ‘erectile dysfunction’ (temporary) should attract some interesting spam.

Incidentally Erik the Floodstalker, not all the feature was published online. Which means that there is still a place for real newspapers to be read by real people, including journo students like Kerry D (star of the Clydebank Post x). Which is why all over the West of Scotland (Byres Road Waitrose, tbh) women were reading the Record without actually buying it. Or relying on me sending jpgs.

But all in all, a good feature.

The rainforestriverman asked a very incisive question; ‘why did they call you ‘Dad John’ in the headline?’

I explained that I’m a father and my name is John. Doh!

But I’m afraid he’s fallen on hard times. I met him in Great Western Road on Tuesday and he was asking for some loose change from me. And then I’d to stand him the price of a cup of coffee. Shame, really. And there’s a lot more I know about Rod Stewart but I’m saving my powder. 😉

Incidentally am I the only one to note coded drugs references in the more recent Thomas the Tank Engine books? Cocaine, to be specific? No. No reason.

And with no quantum leap to matters more social if not necessarily more sociable can I just make mention of on Sunday, 1st May.

Cos the workload is now diminishing and I want to get back out there(ish) and if we haven’t met up for some time then I will be in touch and if we have met up at all recently I will be in touch again, cos there’s no-one out there I do not enjoy being with; maybe some more than others but, hey…….and young AJ was looking good the other day as he mosh dived into a bed of tulips at Glasgow University.

But those of you a wee bit worried last week that I was casting my eye in search of alcohol can be  assured. I was in three pubs in three nights over five days and felt the better for it.

Thursday night in a large emporium in Glasgow’s Argyle Street named after the hero of Corunna – ‘ ‘Not a drum was heard, not a funeral note’ – was awfully pleasant (Hi Gills and hi Gary – it’s that kinda name check blog). A few drinks then home via the gents toilets in Central Station where one of the cleaners was doing really well in ejecting a drunk from an ‘out of order’ cubicle and then a slight wait at Queen Street Station where the British Transport Police had to arrest someone off the Summerston train before I was allowed on it. Gosh. Glasgow knows how to celebrate Maundy Thursday, doesn’t it?

And finally, my thanks to the Herald of Glasgow for drawing attention to this site which is basically cakes that go badly wrong in decoration. Apart from Cocaine Bunny (I’m seeing it everywhere) I think my fave really is the three tier cake with small zombie figures and a bride and groom holding a chainsaw and a chocolate-flavoured grenade launcher. But why?

cya, keep(ing) it fun, and still wearing that badge? Yes, and I’m getting one made that says ‘as featured in the Daily Record’ to go below it.

Johnt850, veritably a media tartlet

So nothing cancerly or alcoholically below the line this week as I think the Record said more than enough.

Instead to the two young guys in Bearsden who couldn’t understand why an old (this week and this week only) guy like me was playing The Killers’ Somebody Told Me as remixed by Mylo in what I understand more and more is a bit of a boyracer Clio………

a) I have actually worked with Mylo, and

b) it is more and more the music which is playing when I work.

Armin Van Buuren is playing Braehead this weekend. I’d love to have gone. 😦 But being sensible (this week and this week only) I know what side of the decks I’d want to be. This is he.

(Note to self whilst i remember……why the chainsaw?…….have i ended up unwittingly aiding and abetting?…….but the address did exist?………what if it’s meant for me?……..for asking too many questions?………..will I be here next week?…… ferret racing the future?………what does kate middleton see in the future king of britain anyway?……..he is sooo bald………oh, and farewell Sarah Jane (63) xxx)


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