Drain the pressure from the swelling, This sensation’s overwhelming, Give me a long kiss goodnight and everything will be alright. Tell me I won’t feel a thing. So give me Novocaine.

On Thursday morning my life flashed in front of me. In the shape of a Chunky Chips lorry. Serioulsy. It’s a bend that for me curves to the right. Between ASDA and the railway station. The lorry was on the other side of the road. Then it wasn’t. Its brakes didn’t hold. It just kept going. Straight in front of me. My ten year old Megane held the turn. Missed the lorry. Just. Had I kept going on the black ice, my bonnet would have ended up undeneath the van. Me and the windscreen wouldn’t have. We’d’ve gone straight into the lorry. Sorry. That should have read. The windscreen and me. 

Everyone was okay. I’m often violently sick at the side of the road. Well not that much recently. Minutes later going back that way I saw that a single decker bus had also gone the same way as Mr Chunky Chips (That’s the one the Police were called to) and it was the bus that demolished the metal railing. I think.

For me it all happened too quickly to be frightened but I’d like to thank Kenny the Shed Pimp who witnessed the whole incident for pointing out that had I been a second earlier the lorry would have smashed slap bang into me on the driver’s side. With friends like that…….. 😦

Brilliant, eh? After everything that’s happened to me over the last four years it would have been a sodding chip van that finally got me, but what a quick and easy way to go. And not even my fault. Ho and hum. I won’t sleep tonight. Pfft………

At this point I would like to thank Green Day for spending most of Thursday with me and all the above was actually written on Thursday itself. Oh? Was it that obvious? I hadn’t realised.

Altho’ two days later, I have slept. I have slept with worse demons in the past. (I’ll review that line later. No. No reason) But it kinda soured what was a good start to the year; if you feel that a dozen bells can be an instant transformation to your lives. (That’s a reference to the New Year Chimes and not what I used to drink).

JCB, for example, is not an Excel spreadsheet gameplan for life but is a general thought and I’m working towards certain elements of it as thoughtfully and as plannedly as anything I do. Which is random. My life’s planning is an 18p ASDA notebook carried in my back pocket.

So, let’s keep house.

Many people were ecstatic (?) with their awards last week and, yes, W, your kyebaord swa a cntoendr (sp), as was Gordon Brown’s resignation and, indeed, blogmeister, your 30th was also in the running and apologies to Dougie for missing the other night but too much happened at the one time the other night.

A couple of matters arising;

The rrm was featured in the retail trade and English based press for a couple of reasons and says thanks for good wishes. I’ve been asked what he was like at University. Modest, hard-working, a born leader of men and NEVER ONCE PICKED UP ANY OF MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS ON THE REBOUND.

Skippy, stop playing those bloody drums.

And there’s also been a few enquiries from new listeners about the Vampire Slayer.

She’s intelligent and beautiful in a youthful way which belies her age of many hundred of years with all the Gothic wisdom that implies and her tireless battle against those blood suckers who seek to pervert all that is good about humanity (and Starbucks in Buchanan Galleries would be fine but any other suggestions are welcome. Oh, and bring a friend.)

‘Cos there are many aims to the blog, new listeners (which was viewed 9,100 times last year). I use it to flirt, to remind people I’m still alive and desperate to meet up with folk ‘cos otherwise I atrophy, and I like meeting new folk as well, which was why Thursday afternoon was good. I met up with some like minded people in a cosy room at Glasgow University.

I don’t know if you saw the Tommy Sheridan doc on BBC Scotland a few weeks ago. They did a re-construction of the swingers’ club it looks as if Tommy did attend after all. Well, it was nothing like that. It was a lot warmer.

So when I issue invites via Facebook and mail and stuff. I mean them. I’ve even got Son Brian’s mum and her man coming over soon time before they head South to a former penile colony (note to self – check spelling b4 publication). There’s a brilliant grand daughter out there whom I last met on the day of Gordon Brown’s resignation (and some times blog randomness looks planned but it isn’t)

Also, I use it to say thanks; to the brilliant family with whom I spent Hogmanay who catered beautifully for my pescatarian tastes but I stood too close to the bagpiper; to KT for her interesting views on roadkill, and the deer in the cemetary were a missed opportunity; to Missie K and her colleagues in the libraries for their help with BBC Book Days (Be a Giver. I’ve applied.) ; and to Jaymi, to whom, when I said  ‘nice smell of bacon’, replied, ‘you’re a pescatarian, jt, you’re not allowed any.’

So, there you go….much more thoughtful than I intended, if indeed I intended anything. So, there’s one award still to be collected but it can probably wait until better weather, even with Christmas paper wrapping. For a puppy, it’s very quiet. (I’m trying out material for my new C4 show, Zoladex Nights.)

cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge? Yes. It’s on Page 2 of the notebook. 

Johnt850, nothing and no-one’s going to stop me rolling the way i want to roll ‘cos i’m hard-wired to randomness.

Actually, if there is any kinda thought for 2k11, as I saw it written somewhere, it is the wise words of Paul Weller;

‘Some people get to a certain age and feel they’re defined; this is who they are. It hasn’t got to be that way.’


No. No message. 😀


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