So I’ll wait ’til I find the remote part of your heart When nowhere else will let us choose a comforable start And even if the breath between us smells of alcohol We call it confusion in the best way possible

But a lyric like that depends on who reads it, of course, and when…… but the biggest date in my calendar seems to be this Friday ‘cos the Corinthian Club keep sending me invites (plus partner) to their launch following refurbishment. But I don’t drink champagne or nibble canapes and never really did. must be doing reasonably well for itself that’s all I can say. Wonder who I could take?

(Obvioulsy today’s lyric is from the compilation between Idlewild and the Scots Makar Edwin Morgan who died this week – how incredibly apposite, a song called In Remote Part/Scottish Fiction, for so many reasons. A reminder of elsewhere) 🙂 

Actually the dissertation editing and proofreading is beginning to do okay, with student discount, but of course……BUT ENUFF!

The World’s top Pub Quizmaster, Paul Diamond aka Doctor Paul, recently described this blog as at least ninety per cent mental. But, I’m sorry, the remaining twenty per cent has been too serious. So, in a week which has had its highs (mmmmmmmmmmmmm) and lows (booooooooooooo), today’s text (note the ‘e’) is taken from a real, and not an e-, book; Phrases & Sayings by Nigel Rees. I quote verbatim, and exactly word for word;

frogs have watertight assholes?, do. See IS THE POPE A CATHOLIC?

Now, dear listener, you may wonder why I was looking up that quote about frogs. That is for another day and another ASBO. But if you don’t believe me, it’s on Page 171 in my edition, altho’ why I should tell people what page it’s on in a book that’s alphabetically organised I don’t know.

Actually, yes I do. I heard a jobless journalism graduate on BBC Radio Scotland the other day discussing the lack of employment opportunities and who said ‘I have went to University’. There might just have been an ‘old fashioned’ potential broadcast employer in Pacific Quay who would have preferred to hear you say ‘I have gone to University’.

Altho’ can I congratulate my old College where at least one department has recognised the harsh reality of all they’re training people for is to work in Call Centres by turning the lecturers’ office into an exact model of a Call Centre. Forward thinking.

And can I reassure people to whom I’ve been showing a mobile photo of a male child in a Partick Thistle strip, that i do know him. I keep forgetting to ask his current name. e ?

And top BBC man of the week is Thomas Sch, Thomas Sh, him who flipped the finger at Simon McCoy, which is something every viewer does every day and, yes, Thomas is gay. Do we still need heavy handed hints like ‘he has posed for Attitude magazine’ in 2010 like wot was in the Sun? Sorry. I forgot.

David Laws, MP, would rather steal £40,000 from the taxpayer than admit he’s gay.

Altho’ a big well done to Hugh Sykes in Baghdad who put a lot of the English news in context when he said, ‘I wish I was reporting the Iraqi A level results’. I think he’d been kept waiting whilst we watched the traditional exam-result-celebrating footage of schoolgirls jumping up and down. 

The Americans are not pulling out of Iraq. They are leaving about 50,000 support soldiers including Special Forces! Like Vietnam….only in reverse. Does nobody understand the importance of history as opposed to nostalgia? See below, at the end.

Anyway, back at the Edinburgh Festival where I was the other day with a gorgeous female colleague. (Hang on? Colleague? The company seems to have expanded. I blame the red wine sauce I had with the vegetarian haggis I had in Henderson’s. I was living life to the Max, okay? Me and a bunch of Argentinian cowboys – really rough chaps with large boleadoras)

I thought it was a bolero but Bolero is the music that was played in the movie when Bo Derek makes love. Okay, to everybody else, it was the music when Pearl and Dean danced about an ice rink on a pair of razor blades but  to me……. 

So what stars (?) did we spot in Edinburgh? Stewart Lee, Ian Rankin, Denise Mina, Alan Warner, John Byrne and the MSP and Minister for Culture Fiona Hyslop, not the sort of woman who should wear hoops if a mad dictator ever gets into power.

Our fave show? Do you know if you stand on the steps (outside) of the Commissioner for Northern Lighthouses in George Street you can actually see a really good video (no sound, and inside) about lighthouses and the ships that tend them? Really. Our case comes up on Monday.

So, W, just for you, by way of thanks, here’s a Youtube clip that might be of interest. Don’t worry. Nobody else will look. 😉

Some of the comments are awfully interesting. I like the one from CHOCO666NSR.

And whilst I remember, a quick thank you to the female member of staff down at the ASDA this morning for sharing her secret for successful grooming with me before a night on the town; ‘a quick shower, a quick shave and that’s me’. 

Which raises another question; I can understand why some women apply some make up on the train going into town in the morning, but this young lady on the Edinburgh-Glasgow via Shotts train the other night used the entire contents of the Boots No 7 counter on her face and then gelled her hair………just by the miners’ houses in Mossend.

And why do some womens’ clothes shops mean different things by the word ‘small’ when they mean small? No. No reason.

So and finally, a very pleasant drink in Bar Ten before a very pleasant trip to Greenock, and a very pleasant trip back up from Greenock and a very pleasant drink in Sloan’s and let’s forget the football match in the middle……. 

cya, keep(ing) it fun and still wearing that badge


So I’ve decided not to comment on the fact that BBC Scotland’s TV Commissioning Editor has told us there are no funds for a BBC  Scotland documentary this coming March looking at the fiftieth anniversary of the US Nuclear fleet arriving just off Dunoon, the secret negotiations that led to that decision (it was almost off the coast of Largs) and the smashing stories of Dunoon women marrying American men. But it is history, not nostalgia, and comes from a time when the West of Scotland was the main global nuclear target for the now defunct Soviet Union.  

Financially, professionally and personally, it’s a nuisance – money goes out, none comes in – and there is certainly no copyright on ideas commemorating anniversaries, but, hey, you heard it here first, and there are no worries about me walking down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Again.

Maybe we should have went and gotten a River City actress to present it………..


5 Responses to “So I’ll wait ’til I find the remote part of your heart When nowhere else will let us choose a comforable start And even if the breath between us smells of alcohol We call it confusion in the best way possible”

  1. Dr Paul Says:

    Proper mental. I like this blog because despite using short words, I still only understand about a tenth of what you write John while everything else either panders to my attention-deficit or batters me with big words that I can’t be bothered looking up.


  2. johnt850 Says:


  3. mode20100 Says:

    A+ would read again

  4. Eastern Alcoholism Treatment Says:

    Timeless info. I can’t tell you how often we discuss topics like this in group. If drunks are seekers why are they so lost. And if they are just hiding, why do they always get found.

  5. Katherine Flouee Says:

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