All of a sudden I’m overcome by a feelin’ of brief mortality ‘Cause I’m gettin’ on in the world Comin’ up on forty-one years Forty-one stoney gray steps towards the grave You know the box (that) awaits its grizzly load……I’m gonna be food for worms.

And so dear listener I decided that once I got past that age (41) I would stay there (42). No point in going any further. I have outwitted Alabama 3, the greatest ever band ever in the entire history of the world and the known universe since Archie Bell and The Drells.

It is not forty two (42) ‘again’ like some people say about being ’21 again hahahahaha.’ It is nothing to do with Douglas Adams and the meaning of life. It is the product of an oft feeble and yet surprisingly virulent imagination and, d’you know something, if Stephen Fry came up with the notion, everyone would jump and down and shout ‘Lickety Split, what a brilliant man! Let’s get him to write a Guardian column about it.’

Obvioulsy I give credit to Walton and Cockcroft for having the imagination to split the atom but can you imagine the night they had in the pub afterwards. ‘You’ve done what? Made an atom into smaller pieces? What good will that do us? Can I have peanuts, unsalted please….I mean who ever thought of putting salt on peanuts…stupid idea.’

Do you want further proof we live in a world where imagination is frowned upon?

Adrian Chiles and James Corden. I rest my case.

However, I would like to thank all those who wished me Happy Birthday in the conventional senses thru Facebook, txt, personal and cards and all sorts of ways, and similarly all those who wished me ‘Happy Forty Second’ in so many other ways. (eh?) As ever, it’s early in the morning but it’ll soon be the football season.

(Eh, Ms McGarvey, who seems to have come back into my life with a vengeance, your birthday greeting led to a really weird video game trailer on Youtube, eh, thanks)

The words, btw, are the spoken bit to Woke Up This Morning (The Sopranos) and d’you know, I too have a (semi) spiral staircase in my semi-detached. Yes. I have a semi. It was a Friday night txt what done it. 😉

How did I celebrate? I played A3 all day, upstairs and downstairs, loud and menacing addiction rock, and had a very pleasant family meal at night. I drove. Others drank. Mmmmm, sobriety is so useful. 🙂

But I’m not going to Barca. I got the bathroom painted and tiled instead. How boringly grown up is that? So I sat and ate tapas in it the other night. (Tapas are fridge leftovers that have approximated their sell by dates)

Oh, and a spring (?) went on my car and the tyre blew (?) and the word ‘lucky’ comes to mind………..Wow.

Mind you, I owe nothing on the credit card…………..Except I also need new lenses for my spex. My eyesight is deteriorating. (Sorry. That looks awfy heavy. It’s just getting ‘less good’)

I saw Alabama 3 a couple of years ago. It was at Loch Lomond………mmmmmmmmm……..they were ‘less good’ than I’d expected, but it was outside.

So to W, can I say your keyboard sounds real heavy with the cold.  o.  o reaso . I always took Benylin, but I didn’t always have a cold. Oh, and thanks for the warning. I was very careful in Byres Road, Friday night. I sat with my collar up.

And to e, the strawberry sick washed out okay. I should point out that this came from young 16lbs 7ozs, who obvioulsy hasn’t been weighed for some time. Nor have I. Wousy isn’t it? 😦

And thanks to the blogmeister (I used to have a txt mentor, y’know) for his help with launching www.thewordprocess.net on Twitter and on blogger. I haven’t actually posted anything yet cos the contents of the bathroom are lying on the office floor. Well, not all the contents………but I have stepped on the toothpaste twice already and I found some really interesting pills in the bathroom cabinet. I flushed them away, straight away. Sober and solvent free. Happy daze.   

Jaymi has returned from her sojourns, safe but scathed; and the Vampire Slayer has informed me of her undercover (eh?) activities and new identity abroad. No. She is not the redhead Russian spy…….or is she?

I liked the spy’s husband who said, ‘I knew something was wrong when she wouldn’t introduce me to her new Russian friends. I just assumed it was ‘cos I was boring.’ Actually he didn’t say that last sentence.  He just struck me as the kinda person who would sit up to three o’clock in the morning on his birth date and say, ‘Well that’s me a year older now.’  How stupid is that as a concept, dear listener?

(Note to self. This is the last time you drink coffee at four in the morning whilst Jack White is on TV having read Charlie Brooker earlier in the day. It’s beginning to show.)

And can I also say a big thanks to those lovely people with amazing imaginations at the V & A Museum in Londonshire who are currently running a massive exhibition on sheds. Yes. They are.

And finally, a big thanks to all the ppl who genuinely said nice things about me (Apart from the rainforestriverman and that was sneakily nasty. You must never forget what I know about you……). I’m often asked (eh?….oh, poetic licence) ‘so do you prefer being well liked and poverty-stricken to being hated and rich?’…….I mean has anyone ever followed a bear into the woods? 

cya and keep(ing) it fun

Johnt850, so defo not a Tory gayboy…….No. No reason………….But am I immortal? Only time will tell.*

* If Fry said that on QI, how witty would that be?

So, let’s go back to this old-fashioned notion of arithmetical age and let me tell the true stories of two men I did not meet this week but was told about.

One is fifty and has bad prostate cancer. It had spread. Bad, but got treatment. He went back for a catscan (CTscan) Ooooops, there’s still some spillage; the cancer is still there, but they’ve got a lot fewer options, now. The room went very quiet after he told that story. He’s fifty.

The other is a seventy year old man. Went to see his consultant in Stobhill and took his family with him to hear his results (Son Brian and his step dad came with me………..) Dr Russell says to this man, ‘Well, this is a first for me.’

‘What do you mean?’ says man.

‘Well’, says Dr Russell, ‘I’ve never had a seventy year old man come visit me with his four year old son before. The results are good, by the way.’

Age by numbers. What an old fashioned concept. Now do you understand?

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4 Responses to “All of a sudden I’m overcome by a feelin’ of brief mortality ‘Cause I’m gettin’ on in the world Comin’ up on forty-one years Forty-one stoney gray steps towards the grave You know the box (that) awaits its grizzly load……I’m gonna be food for worms.”

  1. Planet Paul Says:

    Chiles and Corden – are they related? I think we should be told.

    Happy 41st.

  2. Kev Says:

    What was the birthday greeting that led to a weird video game trailer? Was it along the lines of ‘All your birthday are belong to us!’?

  3. johnt850 Says:

    It came in on Facebook and read, ‘Happy Day o Spawnage’, so naturally I searched for Spawanage and look what I found!

  4. inspired posters Says:

    inspired posters

    All of a sudden I’m overcome by a feelin’ of brief mortality ‘Cause I’m gettin’ on in the world Comin’ up on forty-one years Forty-one stoney gray steps towards the grave You know the box (that) awaits its grizzly load……I’m gonna be food for worms. | J…

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