take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head but it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line….I really f**ked it up this time, didn’t I?

Sometimes I choose the music at the start of the week and then I haven’t a bloody clue why it’s there. I mean there’s no message there, is there? Pfft.

(Goes to open mic fader, only to discover….Shit!……carries on as if nothing had happened)

And that was Mumford & Sons which some television people have only just discovered but like Elbow and The Black Eyed Peas, this blog has been playing them for a long time (thanks Heather C). Why no Green Day or White Stripes, TV package makers? 😦

Right the anger and angst have subsided, cos it’s been a really good week, and I’ve been in touch with millions of people and there’s only one way I can do this. So, sorry if it’s boring but some people have been worried about me….some haven’t. (Chill, jt, chill)

So, thanks to;

the folk from the screenwriters’ group to whom I took my screenplay to workshop but Eddie Harrison (IMDb him) was guest and I was terrified so I kept the screenplay hidden, but the Leith people were lovely and I now know where you all drink, and I’ll be back;

Linda, for encouraging me;

The Vampire Slayer and Missie K (aka the Grand Council minus Ms Parfery) for the big meet on Tuesday. The minutes read as follows….. ‘jt850 deserves to have his shins kicked…there will be an event soon at t850 Towers with loads of cupcakes (L!)……..reactolite lenses are good…….if jt ever returns to alkohol he will be knee capped……..’she didn’t, did she? (yeugh)’;

a telly production company for having so much confidence in a broadcast idea they gave me a cash advance;

to http://www.planet-holyrood.co.uk/ for returning, hopefully as you read this;

those nice people at the Comedy Unit who address me as ‘Dear Writer of Jokes’ and asked for some more funny stuff about the news and how it’s really covered. Facts not fairytales – you heard it here first;

Paul G, who, when I asked for suggestions for a happy book, came up with Wonderland Avenue: Tales of Glamour and Excess (good choice) and to gd frnd clr, for the original happy book, American Psycho;

Jaymi for suggesting googling ‘Find Chuck Norris’ and then pressing the ‘I’m feeling lucky’ button. You need to know Chuck;

the blogmeister for inviting me to his thirtieth birthday party in town and all his pals from Multi Media Journalism plus Dougie who thought I looked shorter than my profile pic suggested, and blogmeister…that is your wife? Nice boots, btw;

the gorgeous Adelle who, has a website called http://www.theatreinscotland.co.uk which is the bestest website ever about well, theatre in Scotland really, has sung solo at the King’s Theatre in Glasgow and has a handbag like the Tardis……didn’t get much of a chance to speak really, did we?; 

Gill D who I met on the subway afterwards but who didn’t recognise me at first ‘cos of my ‘hippy hair’ (I saw Hair twice many years ago in Glasgow and Aberdeen) Aye. Weans do grow up, Gill, but we don’t. Maybe it was the pills we popped……eh, vitamins we took;

hairdresser Sandra who had, in fact, phoned me a few days previously to suggest an appontment. Doesn’t every hairdresser do that? (And it’s looking so good, so far);  

the Herald Diary for publishing all those jokes (?) about alkoholics. One of the jokes (?) was based solely on an empty Cointreau bottle being left in a lane in middle class Dunblane. (Eh?) I tell lots of alkie gags against myself but at least they’re funny. Next week  – The Herald Diary; Kids with Down’s Syndrome? Funnily enough, the mother of that child had a good chat with Frankie B after the gig but that wasn’t reported; 

e, whose son is now called 15 pounds and for not explaining who I am to other mums (maybe I could be hired out?…what’s that TV prog called? Hang? But you need more than four channels to appreciate the reference);

Son Brian for letting me know each week what country he’s in and worrying me that he and I have some of the same female Facebook friends, but, hey, I like D as well;

the Jung Wan for her thoughts about my moving on;

Rhona McL and really sound guy David S for reminding  me what fun the Glasgow Garden Festival was to broadcast from (I’d forgotten the giant rabbit on stilts had a ukelele);

whoever provided the drinks cabinet, and drinks, at the GGF; 

the gorgeous Adelle……. No. No reason :D;

Ali, who I hadn’t seen in years but she has the most amazing smile and is currently working on Location, Location, Location with Phil Spencer and Kirsten Alley. See. Told you I didn’t watch it;

the citizens of a certain town in the West of Scotland the other day for answering my questions about where the nuclear waste dump is and not realising I was there as a freelance televison researcher but, student journos, it is not to be recommended as a living…..just in case; 

whoever it was that paid £1,180.10 into one of my bank accounts this week, and £97.50 and £40 into another (I should maybe keep a note of these things);

all those to whom I’ve confirmed deadlines and made promises ‘cos if you don’t keep ’em, your name is mud, creatively, and opportunities are missed;

Partick Thistle – promotion contenders………Damn, and it was all going so well up that point – and I didn’t make it today ‘cos of deadline things.

Angst Alert? Ach, no, not really. I think what happened recently worried a lot more people than just me, which is an amazingly humbling experience. I have many real friends and they enjoy my company and seem to gain something from it (cupcake dealers) and I buy my round. I’ve got a weird brain. I think, even before the alkoholic gap year, alcohol played a calming influence. But I’ve done a lot of thinking his week and a lot of things are back in context. I understand a lot more about people but I am young (42) and the blogmeister is catching up.

The big thing is I am honest and open. I lost a lot of deviousness and mendacity in the ‘drying out’ ward at Gartnavel (but not my hedonism). It also means I talk openly and honestly about lots of things and many people find this too challenging (even accusing), despite what they say. I don’t need to be fraudulent about either the alkohol or cancer but I’m happy to help those who do. Actually, I’m just happy to help. Kinda stupid ain’t it? Mind you feedback is always good. Mumford & Sons haven’t recorded that track yet.

cya and keep(ing) it fun

Johnt850

Now is Adelle on Facebook? I didn’t want to ask. Maybe my son knows.

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One Response to “take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head but it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line….I really f**ked it up this time, didn’t I?”

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