Help me if you can, I’m feeling down and I do appreciate you being ’round. Help me get my feet back on the ground, won’t you please, please help me?

No. No message. It’s just that following last week when I admitted to having all eight (8) Green Day albums (plus a DVD of them at Reading) I thought I should return to something nice and simple by The Beatles, except that version is by The Damned and over twice as quick.

So, in a week when I’ve been ‘unfriended’* from a social networking website and The Doctor has said his final (?) Goodbye to Rose, what can I write about, particularly as I’ve not been out much this week ‘cos of a cold and the cold (and before anyone says the obvious, not all my social activities get reported on the blog, like tonight’s didn’t, but it was another excellent virgin, Mary) and thanks for the heads-up about opening times, Jaymi.

*Can I be ‘refriended’? Can someone put in a good word for me please? Thanks.

Anyway, I was watching a programme about Not The Nine O’Clock News and there was a reference to student revues (Cathcart Minor, do they still happen?) So I went to look out some of the scripts I wrote, oh such a long time ago, and, of course they’re there in ‘the box’, and we all have a ‘box’, don’t we listeners? Where we keep all kinds of random bits’n’pieces’n’memories and the last time I got it out, Missie K was the very patient listener. It’s my own time travel in the week when the Doctor became so much younger. I am 42. Stay with me on this one.

‘Time travel is about establishing ground rules’…….The Doctor.

Y’see, there’s a piece here from the Times of Evening of ten years ago in which I describe myself as someone ‘happy to help (newcomers to the business) because I want people to do well’ and then there’s another article from the Herald of Sunday in which I say; ‘I’m sure I look like a stalker. Or a kerb crawler’. Bizarrely this last piece (written in 2000) was about the ‘perils of punctuality’, a penchant I had for arriving too soon. (Obvious gag deleted) 😦

And then, how dated is this? A piece I wrote for the Herald of Glasgow (17 years ago) about me and Son Brian visiting Legoland in Denmark, in which I talk about waiting for the photographs, I’d taken, to be developed!

No longer can pantos use the gag; ‘Just as Kodak tells us, one day your prints will come’…for a number of reasons.

(Incidentally, whilst I remember, I’m sure all students of journalism/communication (esp those at S/clyde Uny) will have been told about the GFT’s upcoming series of journalism movies. It’s called Heroes and Villains……..I know what camp I’m in and I’m proud of it. Am I Hunsecker?)

Anyway, carrying on in the box……., there’s a telegram (Google the word) from someone called ‘General De Gaulle BSC Calcutta failed.’  Blogmeister, I may have an exclusive for you…….I’ll be in touch. It was when I got my wee Arts degree, made easier by a love of history and politics and enuff Kellog’s Corn Flakes tokens.

‘You were fantastic, absolutely fantastic and so was I’….The Doctor.

Bytheway that Sunday Herald column has a pic of me at the top. Wow, look at the length of that hair. Hang on. I’m looking in the mirror. Mmmmmm……No. I’m happy with it. Because I can, since you ask.

And Son Brian, there’s loads of stuff about you, and from you, in here but I’ll save your blushes, especially from the time when you wanted to be a journalist…….Brian Herald Issue 1 on January 1995. Pretty damning critique, bytheway, of your fellow players in your Cub football team. Happy accountancy.

And here’s a pic of me as twelve year old and sitting next to me is a good looking twelve year old girl (Gail S). I couldn’t spell ‘unrequited’ in those days (I can now) but I felt it, alright.

I also heard the long lost sound of computer dial-up during the week. I loved that sound. It was connecting with the World.

And the final piece to mention is from the Times of Evening again when I wrote about how marriage break up is portrayed in soaps like Coronation Street. I caught Corrie the other night and I note that Sally (?) may or may not have cancer and another character is an alcoholic.

What I find quite interesting is the way people are reacting to the news of cancer. As is well known to most people, when I was told, I said ‘Cool. Can I go now? I have students to teach.’ 

The Sun says it hit me a day or two later…..but I’m so glad I did. One day I want to properly represent the help I got from those students (and L frae Troon who shortly before I was given the mantra of Keep(ing) It Fun, reminded me of the importance of laughing, and buying  my round….just in case.) 🙂

Actually I still have the ‘going away’ cards given me by students (No. I didn’t get one from the grown-ups. Shame) There’s a lovely one here, for example, from my mates, The Condom Girls, and from Oonagh and the guys, and from a marvellous Public Relations class including like, wow, Trumby (the only student ever to get the better of me with just one word), the amazing Princess Heather, and what does Debbie say here?…….’Hey, sorry we missed our date.’

I could explain, but I don’t want to.

And in case you think I only know good looking female students, Al, can I have a copy of the piece you wrote about me recently? It’s for the box. Honest.

‘I have fallen in love with a female cactus, but I don’t want to be racist.’………Me. Last night.

And there’s loads of other stuff, including the death notices for my parents. My dad died at age 85 and my mum’s funeral was on 3rd November 2005. I stopped drinking 10th December 2006. Bestest friend Caitlin, there’s an interesting pic of some of your cousins; there’s a letter here from a transexual Tory MP, friend of the Krays, who, it is said, got a Prime Minister’s wife pregnant (it’s in the blook); and stuff from Son Brian’s graduation a couple of summers ago, a day I never thought I’d ever see, cos of me. 

So, there you go, and you probably thought I’d just be writing about how I saw in the New Year (roasting the old goat down by the village duck pond,  since you ask)

And finally, as the snow continues to fall, can I quote the wise words of Lindsay C, the Record’s Top Teen Angst Queen,  the only student ever to shut me up with the words, ‘You’re asking me to use fewer words than I have in my Record column?’;

Have an amazing 2010. Here’s hoping it brings you everything you wish for. 😀



‘Ma porte est toujours ouverte pour tout le monde’………Le Docteur et moi. 😉


2 Responses to “Help me if you can, I’m feeling down and I do appreciate you being ’round. Help me get my feet back on the ground, won’t you please, please help me?”

  1. Blogmeister Says:

    Exlusive you say? I’m intrigued.
    And don’t worry – that cactus was really cute. I definitely would, albeit very very carefully!

  2. johnt850 Says:

    I’m pleased to hear you say that……..people can be sooooo closed minded (eh?) when it comes to relationships, especially with cacti(i), cactuses, whatever they’re called…….I don’t care.

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