My pride is dying I think I’m all done lying nobody’s sharing so I stop caring all alone and walking nobody’s talking. Why can’t you be nicer to me?

Yes. I know. I promised a Christmas ditty but I realise that the lyrics of Oh Come All You Faithful are exactly the same whether sung on Twisted Sister’s Christmas Album, A Twisted Christmas or by Peterhead Academy Choir when that, and not Sexy Lexy Burke, was the highlight of the fishing community’s festivities.

I wasn’t born in Peterhead but Peter Mullen (star of My Name is Joe…interesting plotline), Tony Robinson (boring fart) and one of the Sutherland Brothers (Sailing and Arms of Mary) all were. I was born in Ellon, where the other Sutherland Brother was born.

So, instead, I give you a nice festive song by the White Stripes.

I feel in festive mood this week ‘cos I’ve now done three years ‘clean and clear’, Son Brian has now fully settled in to his new penthouse suite (and I’ve terminated his allowance with extreme prejudice) and my cancer consultant told me he didn’t expect to see me for fully one year. I loved the receptionist who asked me if ten o’clock in twelve months’ time would be okay. So far, so good. Acceptance, but never closure.

One person I’ve never thanked is the 999 operator who talked me through my emergency call on Cold Turkey Sunday. Not only did she tell me to leave the front door unlocked, to dress warm, to take (with me) whatever drugs I was on and to have money and some form of ID, but to Stay Brave, Stay Cool, altho’ I think she meant calm cool rather than Ginsberg cool. Chillax.

So let’s move on somewhat dewey (sp) eyed, altho’ a Game Plan for 2010 is being drawn up and will be submitted in full to the Great Council. It’s currently with a sub-committee known as Two Men Called Brian (and Katie).

So a quick Well Done to former student, current pop picker and top PR, Heather C, for getting an award. No. I don’t know what for but, hey, the closest I ever got was being nominated. (Sony, since you ask)

And Missie K and I both watched Frankie Boyle on Buzzcocks (separately, I should stress) and honestly, people Carol Vorderman’s age, why don’t they just act sensible and not pretend immaturity? 🙂

And the Vampire Slayer’s on TV on Sunday night, having infiltrated SuBo‘s audience, but the top performance ever of Cry Me A River is by Joe Cocker at Woodstock (check out the female backing singers); Leon Russell was my first ever Rock God (check the hair); I hope Stacey wins X Factor; and I still wonder about Same Difference. Don’t you? No. No reason.

And to people who say they don’t understand the blog, can I just say……It’s as easy to understand as the theory of relativity. Honest. E =MC2 means your uncle is your father’s brother. Simple.

And ‘Hello There’ may not be the World’s greatest catchphrase but I’ll miss Heather the Weather from BBC Scotland screens (If only Gail the Gale would stop dressing like her spinster aunt, ….altho’, having said that, I’ve never met etc, etc………’I refer m’Lord and jt850 to the case of Beggars v Choosers’……VS, I trust your choice. Go for it.)

But that’s enuff about Carol Vorderperson and people acting their age, albeit unwittingly. 😦

X Factor, where the judges have a make up artist each, and the contestants have to share two.

(Note to Epsom Printer. ASDA didn’t have your ink in stock. That’s why I bought theirs. Don’t do this to me. It’s dark out there and I don’t know a 24 hour ink salesperson. Crack cocaine with pipe would probably be easier.)

But this week’s big disappointment? Somebody at the screenwriting class I go to (her mum drinks tomato juice is all I’m saying) listens to Watson’s Wind Up and of course I’m giving it big about being a writer and of course it’s announced the next day that this incredibly popular programme which encourages so many new writers is not being re-commissioned. Oh, and I didn’t have any material used this week, either. I’ll maybe slip in at the back of the class on Monday.

Oh, and next week is the Special Christmas Edition and the week after it’s the Annual Personality of the Year Competition won last year by 3 year old Ruby, who this year is 4 years old, but you can’t win it two years in a row, and you don’t have to be a person. C’est tout que je dis.

Et, puis-je dire, c’est ton appel. Toujours.

So before I finish, I’m torn between telling you about the total annihilation of Airdrie United (Death to the Diamonds) by the plucky Thistle in the fog in front of the notorious Section KKK, or the photo that was there for me in a Christmas card of a young one and a half year old lady to whom I’m related to by divorce or somebody’s re-marriage or something. This, and every week, the wean wins.

And finally, Tiger. I do think he’s entitled to Privacy (it’s the name of his yacht. Serioulsy). In the midst of all the stuff from amateur and pro psychologists (his parents said ‘no’ to most of his friends, he turned his back on his mentor and so on) I think we’re missing something. Here’s a young man who used his fame and fortune simply to enjoy himself. I know I used mine but, hey, I was single. (You still are, points out Jayne)  

I was going to do a gag about one of his lady friends who apparently is into bondage (but that doesn’t make her a bad person) but it involves a well known knot called a sheepshank. I didn’t even bother phoning BBC Al.


Johnt850, sober and solvent free if not sane and sensible

Some of you may have noticed that Tiger’s lawyers have won a case in the London courts which is supposed to prevent the press from not only publishing something but also from saying what they’re not allowed to publish. In short, total silence.

Reuters in Miami have reported that Tiger’s legal team have won an injunction against the publication of any nude photos or any videotape of Woods having sex, although his lawyers say that this ‘is not to be taken as an admission that any such photographs exist’. (Or that a magazine called Playgirl has been offered any.)

As my gd frnd Clr said, when I told her; ‘That’s probably the most expensive Just In Case in history. 😉


2 Responses to “My pride is dying I think I’m all done lying nobody’s sharing so I stop caring all alone and walking nobody’s talking. Why can’t you be nicer to me?”

  1. johnt850 Says:

    I have just stumbled downstairs to discover that Stacey is no longer in the X Factor. I am devastated. Is there no justice?

  2. Dennis Kelly Says:

    John – face it, the X Factor is mince. I would rather have hot pins stuck in my eyesthan watch third rate young hopefuls be greedily cajoled into making already horrendously wealthy people even richer. Well done on getting the news across – new regime, new broom sweeps clean, new start and think of all the things you could do with the money. Sorry Brian but it had to happen.
    Take care John

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