I am a one way motorway, I’m the one that drives away then follows you back home. I am a street light shining, I’m a wild light blinding bright burning off alone. It’s times like this you learn to live again (and so on)

No. No message there other than to say Sting‘s a pretentious tw*t and I was so glad that the Foo Fighters followed him on Jools Holland the other night even if they did sound a wee bit like Status Quo.

And speaking of guitar heros, how you doin’? Long time no…….

And in a complete non-sequitor (honest) can I say how long it is since I held a decent twelve inches in my hand, although seven inches seem okay. I refer, of course, to the new computer game DJ Hero which reminds me of the Co-op camp in Rothsay and Uddingston Community Centre et al. I’m tempted. As I was then. I succumbed in just one of those situations….just in case. But I’ve never been to Bainsford.

Scratching and mixing and the other skills go back a long way and the first guy I remember who did more with records than just play them was the brilliant Robbie Vincent. He played a lot of soul like northern soul Dave and Craig Charles do on a Saturday night, but now head 2 head, so maybe this week, with gd frnd Clr’s permission, we can keep it funky. 😀

Incidentally, Jaymi and James Ellroy? I am just soooooo jealous but I’m not saying for why.

And the screenwriting class continues. Tutor Jim (I call him that cos he’s my tutor and he’s called Jim) has set us dialogue tasks. Now unfortunately I have been trying to develop a character from real life (No. Not one of my usual very patient people) but for some reason I have to set my dialogue in a porn establishment.

Now this is good ‘cos it gives me a legit reason for my hard-drive history. But it’s given me  a really red face in writing it. Incidentally, younger listeners ask older male members if they remember Bubbles, a Sauna and Massage parlour on the southside of Glasgow which stood in a building all on its own seemingly in the middle of a field. Well, it still exists. 🙂 🙂 😉

Incidentally, in another non-sequitor, can I say Hi to Siobhan, one of my favouritest ever students who once said to me, ‘Not now, John, not now.’ Next week, The Question. Regards to Fiona btw.

No. I’m just a wee bit annoyed with the BBC Trust (and if anyone else has views about them, then I’d be happy to hear them). Have they no sense of humour? No memory of childhood? When Frankie Boyle talked of Rebecca the swimmer as being reflected in a spoon, to me it brought back memories of those concave and convex mirrors in amusement arcades. How we laughed. But then I grew up in Peterhead.

Not every gag can be accompanied by the words hahahaha……….but then even at the age of 42 I’m old enough to remember the days when to work for the BBC meant you believed in the existence of Santa Claus and specific instructions from on high as to when you could mention Christmas. No. No reason.

However, I’m not too sure I remember my alkie thirteen months that well. I must have been really boring when people look at me now and laugh and say things like, ‘Well I still keep my fridge full jt’ or ‘I still laugh at that story about the electric blanket jt.’

That last one comes from a High Court lawyer who attends that Winers Club formal dinner thing I go to and it’s that time again, next week, Friday 13th.

We’re not a secret organisation, like, say, Bilderberg* although membership is by invitation; as a committee member I have access to only eight addresses; and the goat is a volunteer. We have politicians, professors, businessmen, broadcasters and lawyers amongst our members (I am there to remind people of why it is important to stick in and get a good degree. I didn’t. That is possibly why I am its public face) Oh, and we have the manager of a football club as well, kinda. And yes we do set interest rates and the rest of fiscal policy. So far, so good. I just wish we made these decisons before the others reached the brandy.

*At the College where I used to work, somebody asked me about Bilderberg and I started my answer by saying, ‘It’s a secret meeting where……’ and someone else in the room said, ‘If it’s secret how do you know about it?’ Yes. He does have responsibility for student journalism. Worrying isn’t it?

I didn’t make it to the fireworks party, Caitlin. 😦 Did you? I got held up in town.

And wise words from Lindsay C, the Record’s top angst queen. Respect is indeed a two-way street. The rest is a bit too obvious were I to quote.

And this week’s Heroes of the Week are the taxi drivers at the top of Byres Road who boxed in the East European Big Issue pimps who think they run the world.

But I do think it’s important we get over the message about drugs accurately and whilst I’m more on the side of scientific advisers than politicians (remember that interview I gave you Parfery person?) I think the kids on the streets will really get down to the wise words of a boffin on the recent BBC Scotland prog  ‘How to grow your own Hash’ with the gorgeous Sam (what a woman) Polling. It told you almost everything apart from naming that shop just off the Saltmarket.

The boffin made a comparison between ‘drinking a pint of beer or a pint of port.’ Yeah. The Summerston Zombies (their ‘menchie’ is YSL) doing in the cheap cider in the graveyard with the fireworks and the AK47s know exactly where you’re coming from with that one. It’s a wee bit like Andre Agassi saying he now regrets taking crystal meth in the years he won lots of tennis championships, millions of dollars and pulled lots of women. And your point is?

And to all those I’ve invited across to the West End in recent months, if not years, the shopping just got better but the restaurants are just as good. C’est ton/votre appel(s). That didn’t really work, did it? It’s kinda Stingly pretentious, isn’t it?

So, and finally, can I say a big thanks to all those who raise money for cancer charities (I’m selfish. Okay?). I’m a lousy fundraiser. So whether you do ceilidhs, strange Facebook pages, run 5k or grow moustaches, can I say thanks? I’m an awareness man myself but not always formally. Thanks. Serioulsy.



And incidentally to set all sorts of things in perspective this weekend including football matches, being upset by Twitterers, getting voted off reality shows and falling out with friends, here’s a track by Siouxsie and the Banshees. At least these days we can bring bodies home. It’s called Poppy Day and it’s exactly two minutes long with reverb.

…in Flanders fields The poppies grow Between the crosses Row on row That mark our place We are the dead…….

Perspective is good. Isn’t it?

2 Responses to “I am a one way motorway, I’m the one that drives away then follows you back home. I am a street light shining, I’m a wild light blinding bright burning off alone. It’s times like this you learn to live again (and so on)”

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