I’m the kind to sit up in his room, heart sick an’ eyes filled with blue. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I know this much is true; I wanna do bad things with you.

It was odds-on wasn’t it, that it would be the opening sig from True Blood by Jace Everett? I’m still not sure about the prog but the dialogue is beautifully written. Some people out there might be ‘uncomfortable’ with this tale of small town sex and vampires (I once lived in Bearsden) but at the very least check out the opening credits http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxINMuOgAu8 .

Go Tara, go!

Y’see a few questions arose out of last week’s blog. Like, if I’m going to be 42 for the rest of my life, and vampires don’t age, am I a vampire? Seriously. (Vampire Slayer, this could be an important question before our next meet….have a good holiday….and Missie K….)

Now I’m not a trained journo. I didn’t do a College or Uny course. I’d a rubbish history/politics degree. I wrote for local and student press and knew somebody who knew somebody at the BBC and knocked on a  door at just the right time. So I did what everyone else would do. I contacted the website http://www.fairiesvampires.com and posed the question; Do vampires age?

Now apart from those who posted, “Yes we do’, I loved Xentia who said, ‘I haven’t aged since I were bitten 295 years ago.’ VS, I think we’re okay. Except, both the blogmeister and I know the same vampire, and she’s from Uddingston. No. No reason.

And then there’s that rude visual gag referred to last week which, and this is so embarrassing, I re-enacted (gulp) in the Food Court of ASDA. Luckily Jayme, Liz and Cey were not there and it was over very quickly (Don’t even think it, folks).

But it does bring me to David Cameron and his use of t*at word which would not normally make it onto this show, but it’s in context as the BBC, much to my surprise, played t*at extract from the interview and Ofcom issued a statement saying, inter al,  ‘t*at many, especially men, think it is quite mild’. Mmmmmm.

And is there a Head of Acronyms somewhere who decided it was The War On Terror and not The War Against Terror, but that it’s Wives And Girlfriends and not Wives Or Girlfriends? Try it. You know you want to.

And it doesn’t feature on the list of ‘Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television‘ by George Carlin which is on YouTube, but to those to whom I promised to find Steve Martin’s pussy gag, no luck yet, and to my gd frnd Clr, to whom I once promised to find the Lenny Bruce monologue which finishes with the punchline, ‘So there was this M 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀  G C 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀  R‘, I’m still looking but a promise is a promise is a promise.  (Oh, and BBC Al, you’d be amazed how many alternative spellings I have worked out for there….just in case.)

But none of the above will appear in Cathcart minor and friends’ show at the Fringe, details to follow and regards to your mum.

And then, and then, and then……

I had arranged to ‘bump into’ a former academic of mine (good looking, female, obviously) at a pre-arranged time, by chance, and my mobile had just advised me that some money had been paid into one of my bank accounts (I wish I knew how I made a living) and so I was in a really good mood, when she asked that question; ‘So how do you know Doctor Paul?

And a few folk have asked me that. Now the guys I go to the football with, and go ‘drinking’ with, know him but of course his student nights were exactly that…totally hedonistic student nights with games like ‘Toss the Mince’ and me at the back wondering why I was there. Art School nights were good. The next day the car was always where I left it. I’m not sure if I was.

I haven’t been involved in a media fenzy like this since I once appeared in an stv prog called Scottish Women. It’s a long story. Your mums might remember it, Older male members (of your family) will deny it.

And if this was a typical blog – sometimes I feel a bit of a cult writing it – I’d bring you up to date on washing machine (thanks to Son Brian’s mum for letting me use hers. I thought I’d custody at weekends, anyway) and on my credit card account (thanks to Anniesland branch and I’ll send them flowers when it’s all over. It’s the kinda thing my mum encouraged me to do), but it’s not. So, I won’t.

And thanks to Jill L who sent me a Facebook glass of wine……and she does know……so I thought that was really nice. I tried to do the same to some of my Facebook  friends. I think I failed miserably. I don’t do tekkie.

Sometimes I think some people (round about my birth certificate age) are still quite protective towards me, which is also nice, but I like pubs, I pay my way and I can be the driver. I just don’t get tempted. And, yes, I did look enviously as the first whiskies arrived tonight, but that’s as close…….

So the reason I didn’t have to choose between Craig Charles on BBC Radio 6 (with whom I once spent a very interesting afternoon at the Edin Fringe), and my mate, Northern Soul Dave on radio six international, both on radio tonight? I was in the pub.

And can I take this opportunity, good idea rainforestriverman, to stress to new listeners of whom there are a few, there are three main aims to this blog; to occasionally remind me that I am a (recovering) alcoholic; to allow me to flirt openly and honestly, without fear or flavour; and always to have a serious cancerly message.

So good luck to Real Radio deejay Paul Harper who plans to announce the result of his tests for testicular cancer on air, but please don’t make too big a thing of it. We’ve moved on from the days when diagnosis of cancer was a death sentence. Don’t put people off being tested.

My mum accepted her cancer diagnosis with quiet dignity – she’d be perplexed at much of the above – but with a smile. Y’see it wasn’t lung cancer, so it meant she could keep smoking. How cool was that? Menthol cool.

It’s good when your mum has a sense of humour. She’s needed it with me the last few years, hasn’t she?


Johnt850, who was delighted to be told by the good looking current academic earlier this week that his musical tastes resembled those of an angst driven fourteen year old. I am so young. I have lots to learn. Go Tara, go!

4 Responses to “I’m the kind to sit up in his room, heart sick an’ eyes filled with blue. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I know this much is true; I wanna do bad things with you.”

  1. Kevin Says:

    Best Tara line of TB so far has to be her response to her cousin, the big gay, chef saying that she did not work in Merlotte’s:
    “Oh yes the hell I do to, you ugly b!tch. You just better make peace with that.”

    And I only ever had a passing acquaintance with the Uddingston Undead, a good 10 years ago. She wouldn’t remember me.

  2. johnt850 Says:

    ‘Uddingston Undead’? Did they not play King Tut’s when it was still a wah-wah hut?

  3. Dr Paul Says:

    Every one knows the doc – its not just the good lookin birds. Sadly.

  4. johnt850 Says:

    No. It’s me who know the ‘good lookin’ birds’. Happily.

    My people will be in touch with your people….soon.

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