I was never faithful And I was never one to trust Borderline schizo And guaranteed to cause a fuss I was never loyal Except to my own pleasure zone I’m forever black eyed…………

(Placebo, the band)

And so I’d been to Doctor Dave and done the PSA blood test and now I wait a week for the result and worry, cos I do….sometimes even about me. 😦

And I went across the road to a cafe I know on the Maryhill Road (y’know the one, e, by the jeweller’s that sells the pseudo-gold necklaces with the word ‘bitch’‘ on them) and I ordered a big breakfast and I’m reading about John Hartson and I hear Jeremy Kyle on TV talking about people with alcohol addictions ruining other peoples’ lives and I let out a big sigh.

And then I saw her. She’s about ten, eating a roll’n’square and watching Jeremy. Turns out her mum had gone to the hairdressers next door (Jade it’s called). And when she finished she took her napkin and wiped up the crumbs. And I thought, I bet her mum taught her to say please and thanks. Willingly and wittingly.

Maryhill, Glasgow, where common courtesy is common. 😀

So I went home, cleaned out my wheely bins with Jeyes Fluid and was asleep by nine thirty that night.

So, common courtesy says Well Done to Son Brian for passing another ICAS exam. I could have had a Ferarri Testosterone by now, but it’s money well spent.

Well Done to this blog’s Personality of the Year 2008, Ruby, who helped bring her sister into the world and congrats too to BBC Steve and partner Alison, but to name her after a lager and that lager as well………Brave.

And so I woke up on Friday morning inside this wheely bin with a solvent hangover and they are the worst, aren’t they, J?

And I staggered indoors to find an e-mail asking me if I feel the blog has been too honest and has there been a cost to my personal and professional life to which I can only reply…….Yes.

But when it started I was encouraged by my gd frnd Clr and Kevin the blogmeister to replicate the honesty and openness I was showing in real life and it certainly had an effect on my eventual decision to resign from the College cos, well, cos…….

Well, everytime someone’s jaw drops that I am a recovering alkie (30 months) and that alcoholism is not a lifestyle of choice, then it’s worth it.

Similarily if the stories that encouraged me can encourage others on the cancerly front, then brill. But it’s why the blog has stayed in existence even if, ironically…………..but then not every mind can be an open one, not unless they ask and not pre-judge……just come see me, just in case. That’s all I ask.

And the person who posed the question? Can I just say how much I’ve enjoyed listening to John Collins on CentralFM.co.uk this afternoon and Craig Charles on BBC Radio6 this evening. No. No connection. Seriously.

(Incidentally JC played Birdhouse In Your Soul by They Might Be Giants who also do Whistling in the Dark.…thanks JC)

So Well Done to Top Pop Picker, Emma J and her dispatches from T in the Park, but bloody hell, what a tan. Golden Brown suits. You’ve been in the sun (Wah, wah waaaaah). But see what I told you about Katy Perry, Britney Spears and me, tell no-one else.

And Friday nights used to be so simple; a few drinks down Byres Road, something to eat, the Lap Dancing club down Elmbank Gardens, the casino and a quick sauna on the way up the road. So far, so good.

This Friday? I’d just finished reading the June edition of Soldier; it’s the mag of the British Army and it was the bridal special (hey, it was research, okay?) and I switched on Channel FX as you do at ten o’clock  and did you see True Blood? Jeez.

Watch with Mother it ain’t, altho’ one mum I’m aware of would have had a hairy, altho’ judging from the action on the screen that was the point. Everyone else certainly did. (rpt Sunday and Thursday)

I had switched on hoping to find a nice gentle innuendo for my weekly gratuitous mention of the Vampire Slayer. No way. Any ideas from that prog would have seen me going down for a very long time.

Oh, and Well Done to Missie K, one of the other Top Pop Pickers for persuading me to overcome my dislike of Glasvegas but Heather C, you’re awfy quiet there amongst the stables on the South Side (Yes, Jayne, the horses get everywhere, don’t they?)

And kinda Well Done to those BBC people who decided on pressies other than flowers as a way of saying thanks but would a £59.95 biscuit jar have been any better? At least it was my own credit card.

And then there’s that Cancer Research UK ad about being told you’ve got cancer and the lunchtime I was told, I honestly just said, ‘Cool’, and came back to the College where I was working with second year journos and it says so much for my teaching style (I was never a lecturer) that no-one noticed that something else was on my mind.

And it was a few weeks later that I told students and I got lots of good messages including some from people with their own experiences of cancer (one openly and honestly, two quietly and honestly) – Kerry and Caitlin, your classes got told later under slightly different circumstances.

But there were four good looking female students (G, C, C and G) who were the first students to be told about the alcohol (the first C under interesting circs) but it was the second G, or ‘the blonde one’ as she was known in staff rooms, who really settled me. She said, after explaining why she was once five minutes late (it was never marked as such in the register, don’t worry), and I’ve never told anyone this, she said, ‘See Johnt850, if it can happen to you, it can happen to anyone.’

So, honestly, what have I learned this week?

Well, I will never relapse. I would let too many people down and many of them are mentioned above but there’s also a strong Get It Right Up You to some people.

And see if I was told in a few weeks time, ‘we think the cancer’s back’, I would just say ‘Cool’, again, and think back to the above.

And see if I did relapse, I’ve learned that a large can of Jeyes Fluid lasts longer than a litre of Asda’s own brand of whisky but costs about the same (lol and tongue in cheek).

Question answered?


Johnt850…..and blogmeister, maybe you do need a haircut 😉 What a yelt! Moi?’Tea tree tingle’ conditioner out of ASDA. Honest. Just don’t tell anyone.

4 Responses to “I was never faithful And I was never one to trust Borderline schizo And guaranteed to cause a fuss I was never loyal Except to my own pleasure zone I’m forever black eyed…………”

  1. Kevin Says:

    Outed as the Blogmeister, eh? I can’t go home now…

    I do think honesty in the blog has been its strength, and perhaps it has led you down some
    paths you might otherwise have missed, most notibly your connection to Maggie’s?

    And, yes – under the new definition of the word (as agreed by me and my mate JD, details on my Facebook)
    I was total Yelt yesterday. The situation is being remedied today.

  2. johnt850 Says:

    Speaking as a hot guy who always enjoys a good hair day, can I just say I use ‘tea tree and sea fennel’ shampoo and even my dandruff shampoo is ‘cool menthol’.

    Thanks for kind words, and shit, I did kinda out you didn’t I? And thanks also to kind words from some others who’ve been in touch by other means as well.

    ‘Yelt’ and ‘blook’ – we are re-writing the dictionaries of the world!

  3. John Collins Says:

    Thanks for the mention – thank god for the Optimod at Central, my levels were mince yesterday. Will be tweeting a link to the blog and thinking of things to say about MY students!

    See you soon,


  4. johnt850 Says:

    Aye, I wondered about the levels, but such was your power of description, I almost bought a house in Larbert………almost.


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