He got joo-joo eyeball he one holy roller he got hair down to his knee Got to be a joker he just do what he please….Come together right now over me

Another week, another Beatles cover….this time by Aerosmith and it’s for  guitar heroes all over the world (No. No names) but also especially for top pop picker, Heather C.

H, nobody’s listening so picture me as a 16 year old schoolboy (a year before I became Head Boy) brought up in the, then, incredibly small minded North East of Scotland where a big day out was a trip to Aberdeen (seriously). My parents were the exception, but, then again, my mum was from Springburn.

And before the under age drinking started that day we went to an amazing record shop. I was supposed to be into ELP, Yes and Nice (yeugh) but I discovered Leon Russell and Mad Dogs and Englishmen. And from the moment I heard his opening honky tonk rock’n’roll piano I knew two things; I wanted hair as long as Leon‘s (getting there) and I fancied female backing singers 😀

So H, I have ordered a copy of the CD from one of the rainforestriverman’s friends, Claire (eh?) in the Cayman Islands (oh, that one). She tells me it’s wrapped and on its way and when we next meet, it’s yours, minus of course the wrapping.

But you are not Muppet of the Week. This week’s winner was submitted by Missie K who spotted a letter in The Metro where Archie from Motherwell complained about the fact that Hollywood star Audrey Hepburn, in her autobiography, did not mention the fact that she played Dorothy in ‘the cult Scottish film Gregory’s Girl’. It was Dee Hepburn, ya numptie! Please let that letter be real, please, and well spotted, Missie K.

And a further big thanks to you and L frae Troon for gently initiating me in the magical art of Facebook this week where I now have an account under the ntlworld address. It was the ‘non-grouping’ aspect of it all that threw me (I’m being careful here, BBC Al, the blog’s bad taste pal) but I’m getting there (Also thanks to the Vampire Slayer but I’ve got to be careful in case I blow your cover….Innuendo? What innuendo? Where?)

And since you ask, L, it’ll be a combo of Don Johnson and Erik Cantona….and very willingly. And I think my Facebook pic is pretty okay. It was taken by Sandra, my hairdresser, just after she’d cut it. No. I don’t see anything unusual in that.

Cos, yes, I am bringing the Prostate Cancer Roadshow (or tablecloth as we know it) to the Met College Staff Health and Wellbeing Event on Tuesday, 16th, (Hanover Street foyer) so please come along and say hi (if you’ve got good reason to be in the building) and don’t worry; I can answer questions ‘on behalf of a friend’.

Of course, it’s all a ruse. I’m actually checking out my support before I launch my candidature for the position of  Head of that Division. Hazel Blears is my campaign manager. What? Ordinary staff don’t get to vote? Damn. I’d be a shoo-in, otherwise. Anyway drinks are on me. Vote early, vote often.

And can I draw peoples’ attention to http://www.upeveryonesstreet.co.uk/wildcards/

I was in student land for a dinner last night and was reminded of all sorts of voting tricks we got up to, but I couldn’t condone………(This is why tonight’s show is back to being live. Even sober, these dinners take a wee while to recover from)

But I was also reminded of some of the other things we got up to when I met, for the first time in twenty-five years, the silver haired fox, Rocky (for once someone is allowed to choose their own bloggy name), a uny mate of mine. Yes, of course I remember the Sunday night when Mary-Caroline (now no longer…., sadly, but absolutely gorgeous) came to my student flat door and asked, politely, “Johnt850, how do you get people out of jail?”

I was twenty, two hundred miles and two years living away from protective parents, but expected to know everything . Which I did, and still do (except mums….I ‘ve lost that expertise) and so began a bus journey the next day to Kilmarnock Police Station, Kilmarnock Sheriff Court and a cafe where a very nice policeman bought M-C and me our breakfast as well as the four wrongfully arrested felons. I bailed them out and didn’t have to buy a drink for the rest of that term. Yes. I just scraped a ordinary M.A. since you ask.

And no connection, but welcome back from your holiday, Jaymi. Most folk talk about the weather. But you? Sounds more like Ruchill than los Ramblas. And ASDA waited until you were away before they put up the price of the three item breakfast but still a Saturday bargain.

As is the Speedway at Ashfield, but on a Sunday – four men going around a dirt track on motorbikes for four laps. Worryingly, I enjoyed it. My fave moment was the kinda ned kinda guy who went and got two cartons of chips and couldn’t give a toss when they got covered in grit from the bikes going past just as he proffered them to his girlfriends. Believe me, the plural is intentional. So Northern Soul Dave tells me. It’s the Possil.

But can I do a quick couple of thanks (such a simple unassuming word, impossible to misinterpret); To the Daily Express for following up my column in Planet Holyrood but waiting three days, just so no-one would notice (!), and to Anne Johnstone in the Herald (11th June) for drawing attention to the thrills that exist in live football. It’s a wee bit like never having been to Speedway. If you’ve never been to a football match let me know.  Be my guest. There’s probably a grant I can find. You never know until you try 🙂

But (serious finale) we had guests at this dinner last night, as we do. Three serving officers from the Army Medical Corps just back from Afghanistan, and whilst I disagree with some of their politics, they’ve been out there sewing arms back onto soldiers and so on, and then, the incredibly humbling moment, one of them asked how I was keeping these days. My health problem combo may have been unusual but in comparison…..

And so, and finally, and looking forward to continuing catching up with people in any and every way. You know where to find me…..and me….and me…..


Johnt850    ‘I am not a man, I am Cantona’ and then he flips up his collar and sidekicks the ball into the net. Live football? It’s your call. It’s a wee bit different. Like me I suppose. But if you will come into the kitchen……..

4 Responses to “He got joo-joo eyeball he one holy roller he got hair down to his knee Got to be a joker he just do what he please….Come together right now over me”

  1. Missie K Says:

    A cover of a Beatles track by Aerosmith…OH GOD NO!!!! Not right in the slightest!

  2. johnt850 Says:

    Some ppl actually like Aerosmith….but me I just say, Dream On

  3. cosmatology Says:

    Any person have any updates on this? Desire to know more.

    • johnt850 Says:

      Em, what do you want to know? This was published a year ago and it gets updated every week. Google Johnt850’s weblog or similar. Good luck.

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