I would prefer no choice One bread, one milk, one food, that’s all. I’m confused, I only want truth I really don’t mind being lied to

Or do I? The track All Is Vanity is from the new Manic Street Preachers‘ album and most listeners will be aware of the Richey Edwards backstory but are they aware that Tesco’s (the Daily Telegraph said so) were one of a number of supermarket chains who banned the CD cover and replaced it with a blank white sleeve cos it featured a painting of a boy with a bad birthmark?

Tesco’s – home of open minds. Every little hinders.

Yeah. I’m in a bit of a mood. It’s coming up for an emotional week but before I explain why, can I just continue briefly on the idea of freedom of information (deliberate lower case)? Can I quote from the brilliant Paulo Freire’s sexily titled Pedagogy of the Oppressed (p64, published 1972)?

‘To say one thing and do another – to take one’s own word lightly – cannot inspire trust.’

Lindsay C, the Record’s Top Teen Angst Queen….you can have that one. I’ve used quite a few of yours over the last few weeks.

That line’s not just applicable to MPs though, is it? Altho’ it’s not to say that there hasn’t been some fun in the expenses’ stories.

Step forward, usually media friendly Michael Connarty and the £250 alarm clock. According to one source this week, he was in Stockholm; according to the Labour Party, he was in communicado. C’mon, he can’t be in two places at once.

And Gordon Prentice MP, who led the revolt against the Speaker is another G.U.U. ex-President. They get everywhere. They’re all in my contacts book. It’s all real social networking.

And then there’s the Curry Lover of the Year (official…..awarded this week), First Minister Alex Salmond, who has made certain arrangements regarding the salaries he receives for his three jobs, including being an MP.  But how he did manage to eat his way through £800 of food when Westminster was in reverse?(I meant to write ‘recess’. Honest. I’m just leaving it. :D)

Mind you, looking at Big Eck, he managed it. No. I don’t like him. I just don’t. No real reason.

And is it true that Beyonce‘s sister Solange is playing a gig in Byres Road this week? That ‘s the other Beyonce and not the R’n’B Sisters who this blog knows and, well, ‘knows’ so well. (I know what I was going to say but I’ve gotta be soooooo careful…just in case) 

Well she is, and Beyonce is apparently coming up for the after gig party. But it’s the same night as the Barca v Man U game. Barca – my second favourite team of all time (!) from my second favourite city of all time. I’ll get a taxi.

Actually, while we’re on the subject of my ideal woman (No. No reason.) I hate to disappoint every mum, aunt and granny who has marked me out as an ideal catch – single, okay looking for my age (42), and reasonably well off (cash rich, pension poor, but I only give myself a rolling five years to live….still it’s longer than one day at a time).

Can I just say Carrie Gracie? Born in Dubai, fluent in Mandarin, good looking and openly admits on live TV that she earns £92, 000 per year. I’m sorry. That is one helluva benchmark.

So sorry, G,C,C,G,C,L,e,K,J,A,C,K,J,J,B,T,S,C,E,H,J,K,O,S,A et al – all of whom exist.

And to the Sun columnist whose ghost writer claims he’s never heard of Carrie? You’re the kinda columnist who, if I described you as ‘ignorant’, would want to know what I meant by it. (It’s from the Latin)

Not applicable to every journo who writes for the same ‘paper. There’s the brill showbiz guru, Emma J, and also Bill Leckie who reported on the best anti -drugs slogan I have seen in a long time; ‘Ketamine – just say Neigh.’

Good neighsaying as my PT mates would say.

And talking of mates. I’m worried about the rainforestriverman. He mobiled me during the week to say he was going to a formal dinner with someone called Clarence House. I could hear the pub in the background. Mmmm.

Sorry, there’s a voice in my ear…..Oh, at Clarence House, and there will soon be some form of video footage to prove it. Apparently.

Typical isn’t it? Days after I say I’m going to the House of Lords he does a gig with the next King. Still, in fairness, his market traders are good, particularly the one at Caiman. Whatshername? 

Incidentally, y’know that Lynx bullet pull-the-birds thing? Can I just say, Gold Spot Breath Freshener it ain’t? Yes. I did. Yeugh.

And btw, Barry Ferguson, that tattoo you got? The quote from Oscar Wilde that you got done at Kenny’s House of Pain in Hamilton? Do you know who Oscar was and why he went to Gaol? Of course you do. You’ve an open mind. I’m sooooooo proud of you.

So why, then, is this an emotional week for you, Johnt850? The hormones which were injected into you a wee while back are obviously playing up. I remember Laura F and the prick gag from about a year ago. How’s she doin’ I wonder.

Exactly. 31st May last year was the final day of sandblasting (sum txts r hrd 2 delete) and to celebrate the anniversary, the good people of Cumbernauld, home to Missie K, my gd frnd Clr and the Dykeenies, are marking it with a Community (Keep It) Fun Day at Craighalbert Quarry (eh?). Apparently they roped off the quarry itself last year.

I’ll be there ‘manning’ my first Info Stand on the behalf of the Prostate Cancer Charity. (Can I just say a big thanks to my referees for their references?) I still can’t believe that the ‘recovering alkie with prostate cancer in his early fifties’ thang happened. But it did. I may be unique. Actually, for the best of reasons, and not just my membership of the High Horse Level Committee, I hope I am. It’s not something I would wish, etc, etc……

So I am doing just a wee bit of crying this week. Albeit unwittingly.

But I notice that my parking is at Tesco’s. That won’t be a problem for me. Paulo F also says that where there’s dialogue there’s hope.

I’ll be in the white Renault Megane, playing the Manics, probably the track about skin cancer and neophobia. It’s a fear of anything new. Some psychologists say it’s particularly true of some parents. Well, wikipedia says ‘some psychologists……’ but the Daily Telegraph, it ain’t.

But tomorrow comes first, and then the day after……for all of a rolling five years.

cya  (if you’re anywhere near the Quarry on 31st May. Seriously. It sounds a great day out….for all the family. Cumbernauld can be fun. Apparently I have a large gazebo. The innuendo is too easy)

Johnt850, triple mod, as Craig Charles would say and did.


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