I’m a rebel stuck with a label Trying to be someone in life We’re the people you don’t wanna know We come from places you don’t wanna go

And in a really strange week where my openness has caused me problems, many problems – but the good outweighs the bad – good old fashioned Sham 69 get us off to a really loud start. Oh, and the demons came back, btw, and not just angels with dirty faces. So a real mixed bag of a week. But no swine flu gags.

Businessly, I’m still rebuilding networks, making new, and revisiting some former contacts and if I can ever…. then just ask. If I get anything out of it, all well and good. It’s a freelance thing. Drop my name into the conversation. Thanks. I’ll return the favour. It’s how freelances work.

But let’s get the demons out of the way.

As many of you know I ended an alcoholic gap year by Cold Turkeying (albeit unwittingly). It was all of approximately two years, four months, seventeen days and several hours ago, but who’s counting? I did the usual things that Sunday, fighting off the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse at three o’clock in the morning, chasing them out of the house but one of them stayed and lives in a sweatshirt in the wardrobe.

Well, the previous week someone had said something that really bothered me and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Then on Sunday night I watched the brilliant docu-dram about George Best’s mum and her alcoholism, and that was it. The demon saw its chance and attacked. I seemed an easy target.

Well I won, although all my clothes ended up on the front grass, and I didn’t have a drink, much to the disappointment of a, believe it or not, small but seemingly growing number of people who want me to fall. Ach, there’s a smile on my face as I say that ūüôā

I think it was one of them who suggested I need a holiday. Yup. Mexico, Seychelles and Sri Lanka are good suggestions.

Still pigs might fly.

So I’ve come to some decisions. I’ve been in too much of a smug comfort zone recently. ¬†Uncomfortable is good but only if you’re willing to face the challenge it offers. So, as part of my own personal twelve steps challenge (I don’t do the meetings but I am full of admiration for those who do) …..Emma J, I’m going to that gig…..and I’ll probably turn up on my own.

A guy I know, who’s a non-recovering druggie (has cancer, will smoke), says I’m to say I’m the uncle of one of the band….just in case. I think not. I will be me, as ever.¬†Emma, I’ll be in touch. Gulp. So, if there’s no blog in two weeks’ time………

A big thanks to Phil and Rab (39 just), two of Scotland’s top Comedy (unit) gurus, who asked me to do some writing for them. If nothing else, guys, I extended your audience by all of seven on Friday night and I did explain that ‘not all’ writing gets used on the night. ‘Not all’? None. Or N1, as txtng fluologists might say.

I did once explain to my gd frnd Clr that I got my some of my best lines out of the addiction centre I used to attend. She thought I meant comedy (kerching!)

Son Brian, you know this guy, Phil, from the 5-a-sides. His hair is longer than mine and he intends to remain 32 for the rest of his life altho’ in reality he’s ages with me (42).

Smokey bacon crisp anyone?

And, yeah, I’ve never been to the speedway. I quite fancy adding that to my list of things to do. ¬†Yeah, again, saying something in the blog means I mean it. My word is my bond. Speedway is on.

And Caitlin, I succumbed. Not a tin flute just yet, but a new black casual jacket. I wore it to a West End coffee bar with my friend, top tipster ‘e’ (Sorry Gazza but she’s got a better recent record than you.) But what good is an extended metaphor without the actual metaphor? No. No reason.

This place has a full length mirror. I had to be dragged away kicking and screaming. The voice shouting, “You’re real hot” sounded familar. It was mine. ¬†

And the previous night, another coffee bar.¬†The person I was with? I’m sorry. I can’t call you Jelly Jill. You’re not a wobbly person. (I win the bet)¬†We ate cup cakes that had fallen off the back of a lorry. Seriously. The owner was offering round a box of damaged goods…for nothing. Some people might think I deserve to be in that, but I’ve been in darker places.

Driving away, I nearly knocked down the comedian Frankie Boyle. He reminds me of one of the Proclaimers, but I’m not sure which one. (second kerching!)

Where did these places spring from? Next Saturday I’m going to have to go to Dundee just to find a pub, and if it gets too much, I will walk back. I’ve come so far, so good.¬†

Oh, and Clr, Missie K, Torrance One and Parfery person, I’m sorry you weren’t the first, and I know it was special, as it should be (innuendo alert), but Jill and her mates from my PR days beat you to it, by a few months, well years. Yes. I have a track record. And a deserved reputation. Boringly safe!¬†

Incidentally, and maybe this is this week’s theme, I’ve just read an article about Jarvis Cocker. ‘He says he doesn’t want to grow up. But he thinks he’s grown.’ He’d been through interesting times.

I, too, feel I am a lucky man to have lived through such interesting times. I put it down to Ward 8a Gartnavel, oh and the Beatson, oh and the Wyndford.

But if I were a superhero, who would I be? Spawn. ¬†That’s who. Apparently, ‘he’s an anti-hero who is a tortured soul sent back from Hell, but tries to do the best he can.’ No. No similarity.

But this week’s heroine? (We had an example there of where a good editor will beat spellcheck every time. The final ‘e’ is very important.) It goes to the barmaid in the Doublet who walkie-talkied down to the downstairs bar for more tabasco sauce for me. I felt so seriously ‘access all areas’ again.

So at the end of an introspective week but in an openly extrovert kinda way, can I wish Katie a Happy Birthday. Hope the Zoo Crew wasn’t too ‘boaring’ (sorry). Good age, twenty two. Stay there. The world is a sparkling blue cheese oyster, with an open mind. Keep it that way.

No. I was worried when I started writing this blog that it would end up doom and gloom ‘cos, well just ‘cos, but I feel so much better now. I will always keep it fun. Whatever.

Damn! I’ve just sneezed into my B & Q protective mask. How pig ignorant was that?

cya

Johnt850, so defo not cooking my mods for the PS3. I mean that’d be, like, trolling.

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