Time flies by when you’re the driver of a train, Speeding out of Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine, I get high when I’m the pilot of a plane, Touching down in Camberwick, I’m stoned out of my brain

Janice Forsyth on BBC Radio Scotland this morning was discussing listeners’ fave Childrens’  TV progs. That contribution comes from me and Half Man, Half Biscuit. Happy daze. No. No connection to my own student daze. We didn’t have a TV. 😀 

And yet somehow appropriate on an evening when, as I left the pub and walked back to the car, I was aware of all the many citizens of the West End of Glasgow in mourning and marking their team’s defeat at the hands of the only football team mentioned in the Bible by the simple act of rolling their own peculiar aromatic brands of cigarette and….

What am I talking about? We were appalling and with just four games to go the season is almost over, but it’s been a fun run (and Good Luck to Bean and BBC Steve in the Ruchill 5k soon time) and I’ve enjoyed it and that’s what was missing from last week’s blog – fun. A big sorry to a smashing guy I never met. The mantra was missing, albeit unwittingly.

No. The person who was most offended by me most last week was me. I’d one of those days when I kinda regretted being open about alcohol, maybe I should just have said some kinda breakdown and left it at that when I went back to work, and then I saw a headline that said “Killer’s alcoholic mum”  and I thought that my own son’s headline could easily read, “Reasonably okay young man’s alcoholic dad”, and so? Your point is?…..so I’m back to being cool and open and alright so far, so good, about it and remembering the secondary purpose of the Blog…to flirt.

So, a big welcome to Tracey my enterprising new mentor;

to the Vampire Slayer, whom I hadn’t mentioned for a while, and whose photo turned up in the Times of Evening, again. A dangerous game you’re playing with the Paparazzi, Torrance One;

and to the Torrance Other One….do you remember our weekend in Skye?

It was radio. We didn’t need to be on that fishing boat coming in live to Portree Harbour. We could have cheated. Well no. It was old school BBC, wasn’t it?

And to those who ask if I ever flirt with the members of the High Horse Level Committee? The blogmeister seems to be happily partnered, with smashing weans, and so I’ll move swiftly on, shall I, but with a smile on my face. I like smiles. 🙂 🙂

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro (Raoul Duke)

But I loved the story during the week about the Australian dog that went missing for four months, swam through shark infested waters and survived on a diet of wild goats, and its owner said, “I wish it could talk”. Well, how on Earth do you know it did all these things? What is it with Australians that they must have talking animals with adventures?

And the dog’s name? Sophie Tucker. Seriously.

I did approach my mate Big Al, the BBC’s Bad Taste Supremo about the possibility of a limerick contest and he advised against it. Not sure why.

But a big thanks to him for arranging the biggest visit the BBC has been involved in since The Visit with The Boy David, and to my gd frnd Clr and my bestest friend ever Caitlin, see where you had your food?….Apparently, there’s been so many farewell and redundo parties there recently, it’s known as the Departure Lounge…..just in case. But I’m optimistic. And you guys made a really good impression. Nice one. 😀

And whilst on that subject, to my friends at the Record, I didn’t realise today’s edition was a scab edition until after I’d bought it. Sorry… It went unread into the bin.

And on the subject of optimism, if you want to be slightly reassured about the future of TV in Scotland, check out April’s edition of Scotcampus and a piece written by Eleanor Capaldi, whom I do not know (so I won’t), but who has a much better grasp of what broadcasting in Scotland is about than many politicians.

“What’s that, Skippy? The entire Airdrie United playing squad, management team, directors and Section B have fallen down the disused mine shaft? Good. We’ll just leave them there, I think.”

But reverting to type…..really brrrrrrr-ill piece, Emma J; superb PR, Heather C (don’t forget the outreach aspect of Scottish Ballet and how about Carmen and Get It as a headline, eh? Okay. Maybe not); Kaleidescopes do happen eventually, Missie K; and Alastair (bear with me on this one folks…I’m as hetero as the next man, he says, talking with a deep voice and looking out of the window. Phew. Didn’t know Russell Brand had moved into Summerston, did you?) no real crisis out of a drama this week thanks to the lovely O from Napier….mmmm. I can explain, Al. And if you didn’t get a mention in this week’s flirt-ometer. Worry not. I’ll worry for you. It used to be my role in life.

So, what, Johnt850 are you up to next week? Well thanks for asking. My sis is up from London cos it’s her birthday. The main birthday meal takes place on Tuesday evening (Please feel free to send txts and mails to her early that night on my numbers) in the bosom of our strangely functional and extended family, coping with my latest addiction – smiling. I like smiles. 😆

But also, and this is dead important, I am about to move from Incapacity Benefit to Self Employment, and I’ve some meetings this week to confirm it all, including some grants of several hundred pounds coming to me, which, cos I’ve already spent some money on softwares and upgrades and stuff, I can legitimately spend on self. Now that to me is a lot of clothes shopping, lunches I can buy, DRINKING! and lots of FoPPery. It’s your call, and yours, and yours, and….. Get in touch.

And on the cancerly front? Personally quite quiet, but to those incredibly objective and really kwl people who gave me references, Step One of my volunteering with the Prostate Cancer Charity is due to begin this week. What have you unleashed, and would you say the same about me again today?

Moving slowly but meaningfully in that way that my new neighbour Russell B does, can I offer to my sympathy to the Downing Street official who has just resigned over ‘juvenile and inappropriate’ e-mails? No. No reason. Of course, I wouldn’t. Mine were texts. Ho hum. 😦

And finally, in the belief that Cumbernauld smiles better (Sorry Michael) I loved the story in the Herald Diary about the C’nauld Home Economics schoolie who, when told the recipe called for three tablespoonfuls of water, asked, “Heaped or level?”


Johnt850, who needs to buy better Factor 30, C. Mine ran in the rain. It’s the closest I’ve come to pounding the streets in years. Still, I could only smile. 😀

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