Here’s the news from the BBC, Everyone including me, Is waiting for the chequ-ah For playing on the record

Inspirational words there from the legendary band Fangs. And those of you wondering why The Word Process website is not fully up and running yet, might be interested to know that my designer (!) is also a record producer and has been ‘in studio’ all week. Fang things come first. Check out

Those of you wondering what John used to look like should check out his appearance with the legendary bis performing Kandy Pop on Top of the Pops in 1996 (YouTube) and want to see what he looks like now?…same band eleven years on with the fabulous track Secret Vampires (also YouTube).

Now not only have I  just blown my chance of a discount but I sounded really weird there saying all that pop picker type stuff but no weirder than Nasty Nick Wichell suggesting viewers check out the Queen’s new website.

So, in the spirit of true investigative journalism (no sneaky journo tricks, C) Johnt850 arranged for the Rainforest Riverman to go along along the Mall and he smuggled out a secret report;

“…. little bits of smoked salmon on pin-heads of bread, some mini-sausages (McKellar Watts), warm scotch eggs with quails in them and then I resorted to the peanut bowls as Iwas still peckish”. Wot? You were so hungry you ate the bowls and not the peanuts. You can take the boy out of working class culture but……so far so good.

Actually many years ago he and I, drunkenly but normal drunkenly if you know what I mean, used the peanut bowls at a Hogmanay party to arrange where to meet the next day at an Old Firm game being played at Ibrox. No tickets, no jackets and no money, but we were young. We just got people to lift us over. We were twenty years old. Happy daze.

And it was him who double dared me to run with this gag. (Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be).

There’s been a lot in the papers recently about the demise of squirrels. It’s because we’re eating them. Have you tried Walkers’ new Cajun Squirrel crisps? Which was the question put to me recently by a really nice looking female market researcher. Well she certainly ticked all the right boxes as far as I was concerned. And did I have any suggestions for new flavours? Well, I said, I quite fancy the idea of some red hot spicy beaver. (Kerching!)

Was it worth it? Well let’s just say a charity will benefit from a decent donation once I’ve got its correct details. Cos correct details are soooooo important. Thanks, B.

My gd frnd Clr and I recently got lines crossed, y’see (not for the first time, eh…..albeit unwittingly but my fault, of crse) and I’ve given a couple of donations to a charity that she had mentioned, thinking that it was a small cancer related charity. I should have noticed that, in the literature they sent, the word cancer was never used, but no bell rang. Wow, what an advert for my research skills but does good work. Check it out.

Rock is dead. Long live scissors and paper.

And there’s a kinda website thread tonight/this morning/whenever cos I found the actual blog of Lindsay C, the Record’s Top Teen Angst Queen and left a calling card. (I’m not sure about that line…just in case…I’ll come back to it). I won’t be a regular visitor but it’s nice and fluffy and pink but more in a McFly way than an Aerosmith way. Guitar heroes know what I mean.

However, once again her top tip is so wise; “Yes, she is annoying but, most of the time, your mums know best.” Mumms, eh? I used to be good with ‘the mum’ but recently….. It was left to my old friend Ian G who pointed out the problem. It’s there in an old music hall song called the Oldest Swinger in Town (Dennis, Ian’s a man with your musical tastes). Only one line in the whole song applied…..but it sure hit home. C’est tout que je dis. La mere est le mot. : )

Aren’t the R ‘n’ B Sisters cool but in a hot kinda way? Yes. I know it’s gratuitous but they know too much. I just like to mention them now and again. The blogmeister understands.

Incidentally, Caitlin, I’ve good news. There’s money in the business bank account. Altho’ not officially launched, the business got some paying work in last week. To be honest, it’s slightly more regular than a Coronation Day salesperson, but is amazingly similar. 

I heard a wee woman in Byres Road the other day say, “Ye cannae keep track o’ all they holidays”. Well you can when I proof read calendars, but I worry that it might be too specialised. What do you think, dear listener? Sometimes I worry about going agony-flip. Hope that’s not rude. It’s a Skins reference. No. If I’m still on air after the beaver gag, I’ll be fine.

Mmmm…..wonder if the roses arrived safely………but how will I know? I’m like a coiled sponge.

On the prostate cancer front I was at a presentation today where I amazed the nurse doing the powerpoint. (C’mon. We did all those Clatty Pat lines during my sandblasting….and when I say “all those lines”……) My score on the Gleason Scale a year ago was 8.5 which, like, meant it was, like, ‘aggressive’ as in ‘not very nice, especially at my very young age where prostate cancer is concerned’ kinda way. It was the ‘point five’ that threw her. She’d never heard of that before. Maybe it stood for ‘very’, we decided.

I like Paris Hilton. I like people with the same surname as hotel chains. I used to go out with a girl called Betty Radisson. It was so relaxing. (I don’t think I got that quite right, did I?)

And finally, good news on the blook front. My really brilliant team of readers are considering and cogitating over the 3,500 words supplied by Son Brian as his contribution to the gloriously dark humour of a tale of death, disease and dependency. Reading his words really threw me. I mean all that money spent on his education and his spelling was carp.

And at this point, dear listeners, I was going to feign fake tears and pretend reading his contrib was all too much.  Dramatic effect and so on.

Em, this is no pretence. Sorry, guys. I’ve just kinda lost it there.  cya



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