It’s one thing to start it with a positive jam And it’s another thing to see it on through And we couldn’t have even done this, If it wasn’t for you

And I chose Stay Positive there from The Hold Steady for a very special person – me. Sorry. I was feeling a wee bit down, in the middle of the week, so I was going to do one of those introspective self-deprecation blogs that I hate reading. Indeed, even at one stage, Thursday I think it was, I found myself with a very strong image of a glass of whisky that didn’t go away for all of ten minutes. Highland Park since you ask. I could even taste it. In my imagination, I hasten to add. Mmmmmmm….Highland Park, 40 years old…..mmmmmm

But I’m fine now. So, what happened this week then, Johnt850?

Golly, wot a jam Carol Thatcher got herself into! Nobody, however, seems too bothered that she, apparently, called the tennis player a Frog as well.

Anyway this allows me to talk about BBC’s Nationwide again and my thanks to the Herald Diary for protecting my identity by mis-spelling my surname. (How can you mis-spell ‘t850’?) Having eulogised about the programme all of last week, can I now be honest and say I hated working on it.

I joined the prog at the same time as David Dimbleby. I broke two major UK stories from Scotland in my first few weeks and then we went to war with Argentina. I don’t think there was a connection. But it did mean they didn’t want anything from Scotland and I spent most of my time on the War Desk in London, which was really interesting and really exciting but I resigned after six months. The programme lasted barely a year after that. Big connection!!!!!!!

But it’s a week for honesty. (And I’m going to hate this bit). I’d like to apologise to my gd frnd Clr for suggesting last week that I was better at multi-tasking than her. I realised my mistake when my mobile went off and I answered my MP3 player. Lucky I wasn’t ironing at the time.

Note to Caitlin…bear that in mind when the time comes. I don’t do ironing. (Note to Caitlin’s mum and boyfriend…it’s not what you think it is. Honest. Just in case)

But a big thanks to Clr and some others, cos the blook (combo of blog and book) is about ready to go back to the publisher man who showed some initial interest. Clr has been reading the blook and has made some good suggestions regarding content. One chapter has still to be finished. So far, so good.

Okay, C, I’m happy to describe you as “tall and willowy” and, okay, I’ll lose “buxom”. Not a problem.

But in all seriousness, the blook is best described as a darkly humourous look at death, dependency and disease so it’s got some very graphic descriptions of things 🙂 As I incorporated Clr’s suggestions I found myself wondering, ‘Oh God, she now knows that’ and ‘My God, even my ex-wife never knew that’ and ‘Hang On, when I did tell her that?’ My face will be sooooooo red the next time we meet. A possible portent of things to come, maybe?

But I know where to find help. Step forward, Lindsay C, the Daily Record’s Top Teen Angst Queen (You can have that one, L). L very kindly dropped me a wee note last week. (No Dennis. It was not a personal reply). Now that you remember our first meeting, L, can you remember your first words to me? Scared the living daylights out of me, they did.

But thanks for this week’s Top Tip; “If the person you fancy is already attached, then it’s time to move on”.  Listen, I’m tired of ‘Good Looking, Spoken For’ women. I need to move on, but where?

Maybe I need older, wiser counsel. So Happy Sixty-Fifth birthday to a mate of my mine, Ian G, from Maggie’s farm in Dundee, a real hip-hop guy as opposed to a hip-op guy.

Y’see, I do know older people. Just can’t understand a word they say. It’s like they have a language all their own. They do things like complete sentences and spell all the words. Like, rlly wrd. I’ll swear I saw Ian on TV the other night, in black and white, singing with Bob Dylan, or did I confuse him with Joan Baez?

Moving swiftly on. Actually do you know who else I saw on TV the other day? (And this is even more “in” than usual. Sorry, listeners.) The Parfery person is starring in Eastenders. (Is she playing Danielle?) Seriously.  That is really taking Film and TV Studies to new limits.  

And I suppose, cancergytislly, I should draw attention to the ‘spoof” video about prostate cancer available on www.prostatescotland.org.uk . It’s the one starring the football manager, Craig Levein. My mum told me that if I can’t say something nice about something, I shouldn’t say anything at all. So, I’m saying nothing. Albeit wittingly.

I found it patronising and unfunny.

One thing I did learn from it, tho’, was that 1 in 13 menwill be diagnosed with cancer of the prostate. That, in itself is long odds, longer than I thought.  Throw in that I was 52 when it first showed signs (young for prostate cancer) and I was then a practising alcoholic. Gosh! What an amazing combo! It’s almost unique! What odds would I have got?

But I never thought to ask at the time. Nae luck, eh? A chance gone.

Oh No! Self-deprecation has just kicked in. I need a tomato juice and I need it now, with the amazing habanero sauce. I’ve said it before that a Virgin Mary (and I’ve had few recently) is not a soft drink. It may be non-alcoholic but to all those who slagged it, have you had the guts to try it yet? I thought not. My shout then for the first round. For the second? You have that Highland Park. I’ll just watch.

It’s being so upbeat that gets me down sometimes….sounds like a song from The Cribs or Starsailor or All-American Rejects. I mentioned those bands to a young lady mathematician from the High School of Glasgow’s Sixth Year today and she just looked at me. Basically, I think I’m all the bogeymen her dad ever warned her against in one go. Like, today, he did. “Junkeyman alert!”

I should stress her mum and dad were there as well. Yes. Her first name does begin with ‘C’. They all tend to be ‘C’ or ‘G’, don’t they? I’ve got to be so careful sending e-mails these days.

“This is deejay Johnt850, keeping YOU up all night on Station S.W.A.L.K.”

Yes. It’s almost that time of year. What do you think, Lindsay, should I go with the red roses, or will I only get my fingers burnt, my knuckles rapped and my hands chopped off? Again. 😉

cya, tout le monde

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4 Responses to “It’s one thing to start it with a positive jam And it’s another thing to see it on through And we couldn’t have even done this, If it wasn’t for you”

  1. Dennis Kelly Says:

    Just got to this weeks Blog John and damn fiine read it is too. You are now ahead of me in mentions in the Herald Diary – I am struggling to live with that so I will have to start dropping in funnies now and then. Glad the vision only lated 10 minutes my friend – well done there. It’s also been a while since we curried so perhaps we can set that up again. Curried is an excellent verb, similar to that old line – do you like Kipling – don’t know, I have never kippled. See you soon.

  2. johnt850 Says:

    Good point…good idea….and it’s Son Brian’s turn to pay. I’ll break it to him gently.

    And to be honest I had three stories in two days on one subject…….and we know how much that amounts to!

  3. IanG Says:

    Not sure whether to be flattered or not what with getting a mention in your Blog. I’ve always spelt all the words and completed sentences but in the words of Dylan I’m “Gonna change my way of thinking”. Anyway, r u jst tkng the ….?

    I was also unimpressed by Craig Levein and Co. maybe he’s cheeky enough for Lorraine Kelly, but not for me.

  4. johnt850 Says:

    It all depends who you tell!

    Anyway I’m glad 2 kno yr still AAK. (i’m told that’s Alive and Kicking…but what do I know?)

    cya

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