I said would you like to go to the zoo? She said, yeah, but not with you. Twenty seven yards of dental floss and she still won’t give me a smile

Yes. Even I have faced rejection occasionally, but beautifully put there by Half Man Half Biscuit and, incidentally, there’s been a few changes to the blogsite so I hope I can cope. I’m not very good with computers, or people. Gulp.

And K-J, thanks for the suggestion of the Joe Strummer lyric, Silver and Gold. Son Brian has exams coming up. It might have been too much for him, but ta.

But can I also say a big Thank You to the two people who, this week, described my cancer as currently being “in remission”. That is just soooo weird. I’d never thought of it in those terms before. I’ve always thought of myself as  a wee bit of a Cancer Fraud cos things have gone so well, so far.

Okay, so my PSA might not have been as large as some people’s I’ve met recently (it’s not size that’s important, L frae Troon) and I might have been larger on the Gleason Scale than most (on the other hand, L), and I never did like the words “very aggressive” (mixed feelings, there), but it’s been an interesting year with lots of fun and laughter. So we’re going to “keep it fun” and keep laughing. I know of no other way. So, so far, so good.

Unlike those bores at the Beeb. Why the need to keep apologising? So what if John Barrowman did get his willy out? It was radio and there was no webcam. Why did someone complain? And to all those people who complained about the Newsnight reporter throwing the Monopoly money off the roof of Broadcasting House in London, every BBC camera crew has a team of invisible magic elves who tidy up after the crew – they’re called the researcher. Trust me. I’ve paid those dues. Often.

And to all those people who complained that Little Dorrit was postponed for a special programme about how Shannon Matthews’s life was saved, just go buy the book, eh? Jeez.

And the reason for these rants, most unlike me I know? See the apology at the bottom of the page. Amongst other things, it’s not easy being your own I.T Helpdesk.

Still, like my gd frnd Clr, I am so excited about Christmas coming soon, (to the extent that I put up half my tree this afternoon. Seriously, I did) except in my case, I scarcely remember two out of the last three and, since you ask (not C, cos she knows already, it’s a general “you”), it’s exactly two years as a recovering alcoholic, and for those that know what I mean, the demon in the sweatshirt is allowed out this weekend. It’s the one scary monster the Vampire Slayer has no control over. How you doin’, Torrance One?

See, now I’m talking about people like C and T1 there’s a smile come back to my face, although it went white this morning at a Christmas Market down the Transport Museum, when a lady at the jewellery stall saw me looking at some necklaces, and said, “They’re very popular with teenage girls.” I blanched at the same time as going red. There’s nothing like a West End rumour, is there, albeit unwittingly?

Incidentally (No. No reason) I broke bread with Son Brian down Byres Road this week (Yes. very nice, thanks for asking, Missie K, and yes, you could have been there, and yes, I was paying, don’t I always, and you could have brought a friend) but he has come up with a really brill idea. Yes. Clubbing in Ibiza. Brilliant. But we need two others to make it viable…..just in case, or did you say “No way” rather than “Ole”? Mmmmm….

Okay, we’ll just go for the launch party idea, then. That’s cool. 

Anyway Good Luck, Missie K, aka the Lollipop lady. I’d listen but I don’t think I can. And Good Luck, Mr Rainforest riverman. I’d be watching but I’ll be in the pub, quaffing a pint of the golden tomato juice. Sorry. I’m easily confused. I get easily mixed up. The temptation will always be there and a lot of this doesn’t make sense to me either. But does it always have to?

But expect the online price of Who’s Who to be heavily discounted very soon, or my name’s not Johnt850. At least when you buy online, taking advantage of the cut in VAT, you don’t hand over the exact twelve pounds only for your pockets to end up with lots of copper you didn’t expect. Or am I getting confused with the salvage yard at the end of our road? And why does that church have no roof?

And delighted to see a local school offering information on binge drinking, altho’ it might not be what I’m thinking, in the way that a tabloid newspaper publishing “how to spot a cannabis factory on your doorstep”, could not possibly have expected all those people wandering about my neck of the woods with their newspapers open at the appropriate page. 

Altho’ I love the Rock Radio reporter who started off a sports report by talking about how Celtic had excited Europe this year. Sorry, Kevin C et al, I think she meant exited. Yes. I should never have had my fingers crossed so tight that night.

And finally, once I’d got the txt , from a very sharp man saying the Thistle game was off, I went to get some lunchtime food. So can I say to the hot dolly, in the top deli, at the heart of Byres Road (I’m taking too many tabloids these days), I never did get round to deciding whether or not to spend Saturday afternoon prevaricating or, possibly, procrastinating? Maybe, that’s why there’s just half a tree up. But I did do some Christmas shopping today, including my pressie for my office Christmas present draw. Looks like I’m giving myself a CD. Wonder where I bought it? And since you ask, this week it was an Emma J suggestion.  

cya, very contritely and pathetically

 Johnt850, aka Edward the Vampire from Twilight

AN APOLOGY:

Someone quite close to Johnt850, also called John, has noticed problems with his e-mail. First, some names have been added inadvertently to grouped mailing lists. Don’t know how this happened but I, sorry, he will check these out.

Plus some mail is not getting out which means that some people may not have received replies to recent mails and messages, or, where spotted, I have, sorry, he has re-sent things, such as the latest blook draft, C. I do hope that this means things have not been sent twice by mistake. This is also being checked out.

Everything is extensively virus checked before leaving so that is not a problem. 

No. Thanks for the suggestion but switching Off and On does not work.

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