And if you go chasing rabbits, And you know you’re going to fall, Tell ’em a hookah smoking caterpillar Has given you the call Recall Alice when she was just small

When I first bought that album by Jefferson Airplane, people in Peterhead, where I’m from, thought I was soooooo weird. Not because I bought the album. They just thought I was soooooo weird. 

And then I came across that track, White Rabbit, when I bought the CD soundtrack to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and it has dialogue as well as music! All week, I’ve been driving up and down the Maryhill Road, thinking I’m heading to Vegas and that Frampton’s Social Club has become Caesar’s Palace, I’ve driven though red lights, thinking I’m in Bat Country and as for that U-turn I performed on the Springburn Road, by the garage – y’know the one I mean, Torrance One, – the one with the police car sitting beside it!!! I found the exhaust the next day. It was fine.

I bought it, the CD not the exhaust, in Cancer Research UK and I also bought the DVD of the movie in the ole Fopp shop, both in Byres Road, so it’s been a bit of a Hunter S. Thompson week, all for £8.

All very ironic in seven days, when the major story has been John Sergeant quitting “Strictly Come”, as I believe it’s referred to by its fans, and where one judge was heard to criticise a competitor for having a poor “throbbing hank”. Seriously.

Now I have loads of dictionaries – they’re pivetal (sp) to my line of work – but nowhere could I find a “hank”, let alone a “throbbing” one. Of course, it may be lines like this that have led to this blog apparently being denied to students at an FE College in Glasgow, a basic case of my First Amendment rights being denied, wouldn’t you say, C, author of the ground-breaking “Literary Generations”?

I mean it’s not as if I use bad language here, in a week when, again, broadcast language has been up for discussion. The late, great George Carlin claimed there were seven basic bad words that broadcast bosses worried about (and why should I list them when there’s an excellent stand up routine on that subject by the great man available on YouTube?).

Okay, I may have used one of them in my creato writing class the other night but imagine the teacher person (she’s American, that’s all I’m saying), thinking that Alabama 3 came from the colonies, when they’re from Brixton. Humph.

And I know I used some of them in the inner sanctum of the Jung Wan down on Maggie’s Farm, when I was shown some really interesting pix of drums and biscuit tins. I was so busy worrying about whether it was a queued, cued, or clued memory I couldn’t remember why we’d drawn them.

Maybe it needs another psychologist to explain them. Step forward L from Wishaw, Lanarkshire’s answer to the Jung Wan. Once I’ve watched Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel tonight I’ll have a character’s name for you. The Caledonia Road was really nice and my thanks to G and J for the groovy smoothies. So far, so good.

Interesting that L, frae Troon, and L frae Wishie, have similar sounding names yet they’re spelled/spelt so differently. I wish I could remember the reason. Can someone give me a clue, or is it a cue? Mmmmm

And whilst we’re on the subject of Scottish towns, why is it that Cumbernauld, home of my gd frnd Clr, Missie K  and the Dykeenies, is so often attacked by the media such as top comedian Frankie Boyle in Saturday’s Record, except Frankie, the Love Song dedicated to Cumbernauld was featured in this blog last week, and the idea that C’nauld is a perfect location for films about zombies…..was that not an idea floated by Scottish Screen in February of this year? Just asking.

Apart from the rabbit hutch that is the football ground called Broadwood, I’ve only ever been to C’nauld twice. Once was for an exotic reason which we won’t dwell upon here, and once was dropping someone off after doing some BBC filming in Perth and Stirling, and I got lost. That moment when you’re on a dual carriageway heading out of town and heading in the wrong direction, and you can’t u-turn. If anybody wants to show me round, What’s It Called, then I’d be happy to visit. Sorry, my memory went there. Albeit unwittingly. Seriously. I’m master of my diary, at the moment.

And Son Brian, why is it when I mention good looking women like all those above, you ask their age, and then ask whether or not I’ve ordered a sports car? Your point, please?

And I’m glad you and your mates enjoyed your meal at the Charing Cross Hilton, whose exclusive Executive Lounge I know so well. It was a prize you won in the Oxfam fashion show for which I bought the tickets. Humph. Next year, Oxfam Oonagh, I’m going, okay?

And on my own cancer front…as you know I get my first check up this coming week (I’ve still got that txt, C, ta) and in advance I got my PSA levels checked (only an indication, after all) and I phoned my GP’s surgery for the results, and I got the wee receptionist, y’know her with the long hair, always dresses in black and wears flip flops, and she says, “Nothing to worry about, John, you wee jaikie you, I’ll put you through to the doctor”. Aaaargh (in itself) and it’s Dr Dave, and he says, “nothing to worry about, John, but they’re up but they can always go down again”, a wee bit like the stock market I suppose, except that’s a bad analogy isn’t it at the moment?

Seriously, it’s not bad news…’s just not good, but nor is losing ten pounds on a horse that comes in third….Gary. No. I did not back it each way. Ach, there’s always a next time, gulp.

However, it’s a bit of a nuisance when I’m talking to a business adviser about starting up my own business (does the word process worry you? No. No reason.) It shouldn’t muck (with an “f”) things up, should it?…I’d hate to get banned for bad language. No. We keep it fun. And we keep writing the blook. (If the publisher says “Start again”, we start again, don’t we, team, again, just in case)

But can I just say Good Luck to a young lady from Ayrshire who’s got a check up on the same day, and to another young lady who’s got an appointment of her own also coming up soon (you can have that CD if it helps. It’s your call). I would say I’ll think of you both but to be honest, I’m thinking of young ladies all the time. Stuff the PSA levels, and since you ask, Son Brian, it’s an Audi R8 Dream Sports Car, green. That’s mucked (with another “f”) your inheritance, but at least I’m happy.

cya and (recent) old habits do die hard

Johnt850 (who is capable of offering more fun on a movie date than Artur Borac, and I’m not so sure that was just a cigar! Trust me and my memory. I’ve been to Cumbernauld. I’d go back)

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