What if I say I’m not like the others? What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays? You’re the pretender What if I say I’ll never surrender?

Coded or uncoded? You decide. That was The Foo Fighters and, yes, it was to have been the Kaiser Chiefs with “Ruby” in tribute to current alcohol mentor Stevie Boy’s three year old daughter who joined us for the “twisted karaoke in the aniseed lounge”, aka the Scotland game in the Lansdowne, Great Western Road (And, yes, that was a quote from top band Elbow, but the best British band ever, Heather? I think not).

Great burgers, rubbish game and tomato juice in pints. Well, one out of three ain’t bad. And J-P S, you had no chance with that waitress.

And why the Foo Fighters? Well, people tell me that I’m paying too much for cable, especially as I am XL (hope, aspiration or pleasant memory?). I’ve been playing about with the red button and coming across some music videos. In amongst Danni Minogue x 12 and Christina Aguilera x 12 I found Aerosmith x 2 and Foo Fighters x 2. And would you believe, any part-time librarians out there in the East End of Glasgow, they file Ian Brown under “I” and not “B”?

Guitar Heroes, if you can play The Pretender, use a whammy bar, a wah wah pedal, set fire to your axe and then smash it against a speaker, I would happily pay to see that. Or buy lunch. I’m easy. “Stranger things have happened”. (It’s a track off the same album).

Yes. Let’s speak about me for a moment. I’ve started looking for work, which in itself is a novel experience because I’ve never done that before. Any work I’ve done previously I’ve picked up or I’ve been informally approached, but all ideas are welcome. Aren’t Sits Vacs pages interesting, but in a depressing kinda way?

The book, (with top team of one assisting) has reached 10,000 words, but I read today a quote from the great Truman Capote who said of Jack Kerouac (who was not as good as Ken Kesey anyway), “That’s not writing, that’s typing”, as Kerouac created On The Road.  Aye, but did Capote blog? I think not. So, so far, so good.

And on the cancer front? According to the latest research published in a best selling tabloid, tall men are more likely to get prostate cancer, except it doesn’t go on to say, than what? It made me think, but not for long. The cancer could be a gene thing. Regular blood tests are good. As Danii says in the X-Factor, “One hundred per cent, yes”. Get it checked.

Maggie’s Farm was quite quiet this week, but it is a drop-in centre, and, also, my own health centre has, this week, sent off certain samples of mine to a lab. I’ll keep you posted on the results.

“Pretty straightforward….but, hey, just in case”, Doctor Fiona said, but that’s what they said exactly a year ago, and a year before that, but I’m not worried, cos I don’t worry, do I? Do I? Where’s that plastic stirrer?

Of course one of the reasons I’m not worried is that we’re all going to be sucked into a black hole in Switzerland on Wednesday morning following an experiment to discover how the Universe began. But if we’re all caught up in a tiny black hole who’s going to know? Who’s going to care? (Unless of course you’re reading this later in the week).

George Burley, don’t even bother picking a team. I think even Kerry Katona’s Iceland now stands a chance against us. Just put your faith in the atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider to get you out of trouble. It works every time for me. Well, not really.

By the way did you know that your assistant manager, Terry Butcher, once played two games for Clydebank? Eh, I’m not too sure about the grammar and syntax in that sentence but you get my drift.

Don’t worry. Dan Brown has it sussed. The author of The Da Vinci Code has already written about this. A university professor will save us. The book’s called Angels and Demons.

Y’see I’m a blogger. I believe in conspiracy theories. Seriously. I know no hi-jacked plane crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11 and WTC7 was brought down in a controlled explosion, albeit and most definitely wittingly.

And I know from cyberspace contacts that a punk called Young Trigg scrubbed Sarah Palin’s Wikipedia site the day before she was nominated. (Blogmeister, I’ll put you in touch with people like Dennis who might not understand that sentence.) Sarah Palin? Sharia’s Plan more like. And whilst I’m in typical blogging mood….pit bulls wear lip gloss. It’s a Republican Convention reference.

And my gd frnd Clr, whilst I agree with you that good spelling is “pivetal” (sic) to good communication, I was referring last week to Barrak McGlumpher Obama of Luggiesbank, and not to the Barack Hussein Obama who on his very own Facebook page admits he was educated in a muslim madrass. (Anybody want to do the elbow/madrass gag?)

Oh to be in the Ukraine where the Prime Minister is the fragrant Yulia Tymoshenko. This is not a gag. She does exist. I really did find her website www.tymoshenko.com.ua/eng/ (and I did the obvious website gag earlier. I wanted it out of the way before I mentioned Yulia.) She is standing against Viktor Yanukovych in the 2009 presidential elections. Vote early, vote often as we used to do in University days. 

Vampire Slayer, I’ve said, in the past how much white suits you but compared with Yulia? I’m sorry, really, really sorry. Yulia wears her hair in braids you know, she has views on tractor production, and she has her own perfume. Mr Rainforest Riverman, are you selling it yet?

Sorry. You’ll need to excuse me a minute.

That’s better. Cold showers are so Ukrainian, don’t you think?

And my thanks to those of you who asked after my garden following my reference to the Beechgrove Garden last week (Well, e did). Parfery person, you would not believe it. So, if you’re ever passing.

I’m tempted to open it to the public. Except according to the Evening Times this week, I really do live in one of Glasgow’s most deprived areas. Mmmmm. I’ll maybe not bother.

I would have watched the programme again this week, but the Herald programme listing said that Carole Baxter would be sampling “her chocolate border”. I just left her to it. People are entitled to their privacy, I now realise.

And finally, I note with interest that Channel 4 are ignoring the particle accelerator experiment and concentrating on 9/11 programmes. Their choice of movie viewing on Satyrday* night? “Volcano” followed by “The Abyss”. Sleep well!



*Not a spelling or a typo. Just a strange dream I’ve been having recently. I’ll let you know how it ends, if we’re spared.


3 Responses to “What if I say I’m not like the others? What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays? You’re the pretender What if I say I’ll never surrender?”

  1. Lbug Says:

    You are one seriously random guy. I like it. Keep it up.

  2. Al Says:

    I love all this black hole stuff. Apparently tiny black holes pass through the earth all the time, and the jaws of the gravitational maelstroms created by this experiment will only be strong enough to swallow themselves. I suppose we’ll know soon enough if something has gone horribly when we feel an almighty crash and can simply walk to France!

  3. johnt850 Says:

    But before the continents were split asunder we could walk to France but that’s the kind of thing former Vice President Gore would be against as well. Hang on!……..No. That’s too random for words.

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