the ghetto prince of gutter poets was bounced out of the room (jean arthur rimbaud) by the bodyguards of greed for disturbing the tomb

The brilliant Clash there with the distinctive voice of Allen Ginsberg on vocals. Seriously. (I know you can’t hear the vocals but I was once a deejay in Rothesay and you don’t lose it, do you?). A slightly different song about Paris and the 1873 Commune which is where my son and his girlfriend are just back from. (No. Not the Commune. It finished a long time ago. 1873. The same year it started)

No. B & K are just back from a cultural trip to gay Paree, as it were, highly recommended, seeing all the sights which is why I now have a replica of Johnny Depp’s pirate ship from Pirates of the Deep as sold in Disneyland, Paris. But, hey, I like it. And the bar code told me so much as well. But your car, Brian, your car is good.

What is the ESP Off button and why can’t I press it? It’s obviously not Extra Sensory Perception or I’d know, wouldn’t I?

It’s a culture thing.

I recently read a learned treatise which had Ginsberg on the same pages as Burroughs and Kerouac but no mention of Ken Kesey.

Dennis, I’m sure you’d agree. Would Michele Platini have made such a good job of handing out the Euro 2008 medals if your mate David Taylor hadn’t been beside him? Exactly. Where would Tom Wolfe have been without Kesey?

It’s a culture thing. (I think I’ve celebrated my birthday with one tomato juice too many. I’ve just totally lost myself, and I write this. And, by the way, thanks to those of you who sent cards. Many were seriously unexpected)

But my thanks to the very pleasant young lady from Glasgow University who recently phoned me to see if, as a graduate, would I be interested in making a donation towards, say, the Beatson Pebble Appeal? I explained my own cancer situation and suggested we miss out the middle man and just to send all the money straight to me. She laughed.

She then went on to ask me about how I’d used my own degree. Okay, maybe “unemployed recovering alcoholic with or without cancer” is not a career path I would recommend but she did listen. And I’m really pleased she is doing something on Saturday night, but the same thing for the next fifteen years? Wow.

Incidentally the date I am not mentioning to anyone, at all, ever, is later this month. There. I’ve said enough. I think the big thing for me is to realise is that lots of people go through these consultations/check ups on a regular basis. I just think I’ll be told to go back to the large injections. But hey, is size important? (Sorry, Laura F, but you’ve become a superstition. I see you as my rabbit’s foot…Sorry, too much tabasco, definitely)

However, Number 1 son and I are just back from a wee trip to Troon, where the lovely Laurie treated us to a splendid lunch in a pub which I shall keep secret, so I’ll just call it “The Penny Black”. No clues there then.

Seriously good Thai food, and lots of it, served by the brilliant Pom, who kept bringing food over, but to be honest, L, I don’t think Sid had ever been anywhere near Thailand. But Troon is something else. More hairdressers per square mile than any bouffanted Bertie could hope to see in a million years.

Ta, Laurie, and sorry not to meet your man, Steel Balls, as I believe he’s known locally. C’mon. He plays petanque, okay!

C, your mate Donald Trump would be spoiled for choice. All that barberianism (clever, eh?) and all the sand he could shake a wedge at. (Political satire at its best, just in case)

It’s a culture thing. 

J’espere que, C, tu as trouve your “what”? That was way over my lingua franca head. But if my dictionary is correct, it’s not something you can do without.

Oh, and on the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” front, check out BBC Radio Scotland’s “Days Like This” site, folks. See. It’s all so innocent.

My love affair with Rock Radio continues, especially the five word weather forecast. Today’s? “It’s still crappy out there.” It’s so much better than Carol K’s “sunshine and showers”, albeit unwittingly. 

This time last year I was on a ship cruising around the Inner Hebrides and I was talking to the captain and he said “Carol Kirkwood gives good weather.” I have tried every variation of rhyming slang and I still don’t get it. 

It’s a culture thing. Like I get mixed views from people when I ask, should I start playing Guitar Hero? Should I? Or should I take on board the fact that the reason my e-mail may be slow is that there are 1300 entries in my “Sent items”, most of which are subject headings like “tonight’s blog” or “this is funny”.

And my preparations for B’s graduation continue apace. I put a jacket and shirt into a shop called The Sewing Box on the Maryhill Road. £3.50 to get three buttons sewn on. I think I get a single man’s discount. Is it so obvious?

If you’re looking for the shop, it’s in the telephone directory, there, the entry just above Sexaholics Anonymous. Seriously. Check it out. It’s an interesting position.

Moving on, but staying with the thief of Bad Gags. If I ran an alteration shop, would I call it, Sew Far, Sew Good?

It’s a culture thing.

Finally, for a man of my age (young, mid forties, particularly once I get my new specs), I’ve had good pressies, but the best pressy of all is now in my grubby paws. I have the ticket for B’s graduation. It’s at times like this you are really grateful for the likes of Iron Man, Spiderman and the greatest of them all, the Torrance One – the Vampire Slayer.

Knowing these people exist, guarding that ticket, means I can sleep at  night……in my dreams.





3 Responses to “the ghetto prince of gutter poets was bounced out of the room (jean arthur rimbaud) by the bodyguards of greed for disturbing the tomb”

  1. e Says:

    so this time last year was the inner hebrides cruise…dont always assume last year was necessarily better than this year… i recall my pyrenees trek last year – slightly glad not to be repeating it ths year.

    glad you enjoyed your trip doon the watter – although not sure troon counts as doon the water – maybe im wrong.
    no matter, troon sounds good.

    don’t you envy your son – a young person’s happy trip to paris awwww…
    ive been 5 times – but you can never recapture your first visit…especially if it is with the one you love….
    enjoy birthday and graduation. congrats to B the graduant!
    see you soon

  2. Dennis Kelly Says:

    First thing I noticed was that Dave Taylor, my great friend who is Gen Sec of UEFA, but not name dropping her, broke one of the medals as he handed it to Platini, but also recovered the situation well. If handing medals to Platini is all that he does then it’s a well paid for job, I can tell you. Didn’t know you deejayed in Rothesay. As a born and bred Millport man, I spent my whole secondary school life in Rothesay – liviing with a landlady from the age of 11. Lots of great stories there and you could help me write the book.

    Great blog – replying while sitting in the middle of a very boring meeting.

    Take care.

  3. Johnt850 Says:

    Like my deejaying was for two weeks in the Co Camps on Canada Hill but I can dream, just like all those folks wistful for the Champs Elysee.

    And Troon is doon the watter. I just never realised I’d be punting the Clyde Coast so soon to the Fair Fortnight.

    Anyway I’ve shoes to polish b4 the grad!!

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