When it’s not always raining, there’ll be days like this, When there’s no one complaining, there’ll be days like this, When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch, Well my mama told me there’ll be days like this

The gorgeous Baileys Irish Cream voice there of Van Morrison. And, yes, Claire, some weeks the lyrics choose themselves. And now that I’ve worked out how to show you mine, it becomes incumbent on you to show me yours. It’s the same for you, Blair. You, after all, offered to show me yours first. I just happened to show you mine, which is different from the one I’m showing C, before…….

Yes, dear reader, I’m bored.

It’s the long wait before the date that I’m telling no-one, when I see the consultant to find out whether the cancer is still alive, or not. Nutshell.

I’m so bored that, whilst I’m not telling anyone the date of my birthday (next Wed, 2nd July, since you ask and yes, that does mean my star sign’s Cancer. No. It’s not getting to me. It’s fun, that’s all), I have worked out that my age (gulp) will match, numerically, the last two digits of the year I was born. Not that I look or feel like it, but I would not recommend that much of my lifestyle and diet over the last three years to anyone. (Katie agrees. A young mid-forties)

I’m so bored, that I’ve cleaned the oven. This is what home ownership and domesticity does to you. Avoid them!

I found blackened oven chips which have been there so long, it would need Laura F to carbon date them, especially the long fat ones. Regular readers may now be expecting reference to a certain gag. I think on this occasion, should I rise to that opportunity, Ms F would be fully entitled to make a “crinkle cut” blog comment. Not that….. 

I’m so bored I’ve been reading the Health pages of the Herald. Nice writing, my good mate, Tom S.

Thanks to you I’ve now got the cracking word ginkgo biloba should I ever take up scrabble; I know that the symptoms for Diabetes 1 are the same as for alcoholism (except for the alcohol); and why, oh why, does every my health column seem to feature someone who drinks “infusions of organic lemon with cayenne for like (sic) a week”?

Why don’t these columns feature recovering alkies with/without cancer, with small semis, who live off black coffee, wear Primark jeans and smoke/chew white plastic stirrers? I have a bowl of them in the kitchen. Stirrers, that is.

Oh. Too common. Oh. I just like reading about me, or hadn’t people noticed?

And Tom, leave the references to Woodstock to those of us who were there. Well. Saw the movie, anyway. But, hey, I was underage, okay? I have always been a hellraiser, know what I mean?

I’m so bored I’m considering watching Partick Thistle next season, and my thanks to Stevie Boy and J-PS for the fixtures and detailed comments.

And, yes, J-PS, I also think the 3rd Jan match away to Clyde will be called off. It’s at Broadwood, which is in the middle of nowhere, next to Croy Railway Station, which, itself, is in the back of beyond. Have you seen it?

There’s no canal around it, there are no drug pushers watching the game from the high rises on the Westercommon, no Munn’s Vaults (I wonder if that old guy with the walking stick is still pulling the same scam on visiting fans?) and worst of all, no Jaconelli’s for chips afterwards. How do these people, including C, Missie K and their families, survive? We need to do food parcels and we need to do them now, just in case. 

I think the Torrance One-the Vampire Slayer must be bored. I’ve not heard from T1 in ages. Surely your mission in Prince’s Square must be accomplished by now. What’s that? “Men with money”. Oh. I used to be one of those.

Listen, real son of mine, you enjoy your new car, your trip to Paris and I’ll pick up the bar bill for your graduation, don’t you worry. Holidays, me? I like the sound of a day out in Troon, myself. Or thirty minutes in Cumbernauld. Watch this space. (Or if you do read the my health column, Watch this spice!… Hey, I’m bored).

I’m so bored I’ve been watching SAS documentaries on obscure cable channels.

I’m even listening to Rock Radio as I cruise along the Maryhill Road but why do all the presenters sound as if they want to be the “late, great Tommy Vance”? Em, I don’t mean the “late” bit ‘cos that…I worked with him once on a promo video. Can you imagine telling him to project himself just a wee bit more?

But I love the five word weather forecast on Rock Radio. “No change. It’s still raining.” On a broadcast word count it’s five. Okay?

And by the way, Gary McD, “scourge of the bookies”, “The Pollok punter’s pal”…Croatia. 12-1. Each way. I nearly hit the roof when Turkey equalised. (“hit the roof”, GK. Good, eh? You and me can always just go ourselves. After all, you were the only one who seemed interested in guest editing…….)

No. What I was going to say, Gary, was “Did you see the pie eating contest in George Square, yesterday?” Not that I’m saying, but you now have a reputation to save. Comply or die. The connection can be tenuous. Don’t you worry about that.

And what is it about young women in white shirts, tight jeans and green wellies? No. I’m just posing the question, but the “George Square Harvest Festival” (seriously) did seem to attract a lot of young men, as well as those who looked in their young mid-forties. 

And finally, I may be really bored but have I also fallen asleep and missed July and August? A letter in the Daily Record begins, “On going back to school after the summer holidays……” Em, did I have a good birthday and how did my son’s grad go? It was written by a Bearsden 5th year schoolie. Maybe Croi has something going for it, after all.

A bientot, mes amis


2 Responses to “When it’s not always raining, there’ll be days like this, When there’s no one complaining, there’ll be days like this, When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch, Well my mama told me there’ll be days like this”

  1. e Says:

    I love the five word weather forecast on rock radio. Our 10 minute drive to work in the morning usually sees a battle between xfm scotland (my choice) and rock radio (his choice). Weather forecast on rock almost makes up for the rock music – at that time in the morning anyway!

  2. Johnt850 Says:

    The first time I ever heard it, it was a four word forecast; “It’s going to rain!”

    To be honest, too many “classics” on Rock Radio and not enuff Alabama 3!

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